Sunday, August 14, 2005

lots of pussy in this movie.

so of course i saw the aristocrats. twice. that alone should tell you that i thoroughly enjoyed it. i have a few complaints, they being: 1) it was too short 2) some of those people were not funny. at all. 3) about twenty minutes into my second viewing, a man walked into the theater and sat right next to me. i was sitting with my friend tc to my left and an open chair, the last in the row, to my right. there were other open seats. if i were a man, i would know not to be so socially retarded as to sit next to a girl in a theater that had other available seats and was showing a movie that featured explicit, in-detail language and jokes where "sucking and fucking" shit-covered incest-and-bestiality-style debauchery are described. this was creepy. it got worse when the man, who was not laughing at all, started unbuttoning his short-sleeved dress shirt. we live in scary times, and i immediately thought "what if he is a suicide bomber, making some sort of point about how immoral the infidel americans are, so much that they pay $9.25 to listen to their esteemed entertainers describe acts that would surely not please allah, and they must be destroyed, one at a time, and i think i'll start with this tall bitch right here." granted, i didn't look at his face, so i don't even know if i was racially profiling him, but i just felt really uncomfortable in general. so he unbuttoned his shirt, removed it, and then placed it over his lap (yes, he was wearing a t-shirt underneath). now, instead of being a suicide bomber, he bacame, in my mind, a sex offender who would end up grabbing my hand and making me touch his exposed penis poking out of his zipper but underneath the shirt on his lap, while i beat him with my white patent leather purse and screamed. i turned to tc and said, "move down as many seats as you can." the guy stayed where he was but then left the theater after another half-hour or so. i don't know what his deal was, but he scared me. people are so fucking creepy.

i don't want to give too much away, but i loved kevin pollack's christopher walken impersonation, sarah silverman describing the aristocrats, charlotte's wedding planner on sex and the city (mario someone or other) doing his liza impersonation, and, as i had heard, bob saget's version of the joke. i think i just really appreciate the creativity of how far you can stretch the bounds of decency, and deliver it in a very deadpan, matter-of-fact way.

the very last screen you see after the credits roll is that the movie is "for johnny carson." the first time i saw it (friday night) the audience did a collective "awwwwww" and then burst out laughing at how ridiculous it was that they were "awwwww"ing. it was a nice ironic hallmark moment touch.

ecf asked me how i liked it. i replied "my faith in humanity has been restored." and, really, i'm not kidding. we all know that there is so much horror in the world, and we need to talk about such things to get over or make sense of them. and if you can make it funny, well, then, god bless you.

1 comment:

the syracusan said...

$9.25? Where the fuck do you live, Nebraska?