Monday, September 12, 2005

an open letter to anderson cooper

dear anderson cooper,

you're really pretty. not like jude law pretty, but in that chiseled face/prematurely white/armani suit/high society/strangely gayless sort of way (which, come to think of it, is a lot like jude). you cry on camera and i don't think that you're lying. you call out politicians on their bullshit, and not in a bill o'reilley "i want to use a falafel on you/i'm a loudmouthed asshole" kind of way. my mom rocked your mom's jeans back in the late 70s. my school didn't have channel one because i grew up in rural sucksville, usa, and i never watched the mole, but cnn is lucky to have you. they need the help. you travel the world and report on what's happening there, even when no one really understands the situation/cares, and you have no intention of leaving the gulf coast right now, and not because you're a loser like geraldo who wants to make every story about himself, but because you are a fucking railroad gilded age fashion heir, and you would rather participate in the world than buy it.

what i'm trying to say, anderson cooper, is that i think i heart you.


lostsatellite said...

oh god, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds Anderson Cooper I don't have to feel weird for feeling that way...

rmm said...

A quote from FOX Chairman & CEO Roger Ailes re: Brian Williams from Dec. 2004:
I happen to think Brian Williams may do a lot better than people are giving him credit for. He's a very smart guy. As you know, off the air, he's quite charming.... He's what everybody -- every parent wishes their daughter would marry. What a great-looking guy! Nice. He's polite, got a lot of nice shirts. He's articulate, sincere. I mean, what's not to like about Brian?