Tuesday, September 20, 2005

sanity test


so let's play pretend. pretend that you are totally batshit crazy. you are also famous - more for your problems than for your talent, but people know who you are. pretend that you are totally fucking high, and this is a pretty average state for you. pretend that you see a woman (a good 15 years younger, because you're like 41, and only god knows how you're still alive) sleeping on your ex-boyfriend's couch. WHAT DO YOU DO?

a) ask your ex why there's a skank in his front room (because your feelings are hurt)
b) realize that your ex has moved on, so you go home and sleep off the oxycontin (because you have a moment of clarity)
c) douse the sleeping woman in whiskey, slam the bottle across her face, throw a lit candle at her (liquor is flammable, after all), tear at her arm (thrown up in self-defense) with your claws, pull her hair, bitch slap her (there goes her tooth!), and, as a grand finale, pinch her boob so hard that it leaves a mark.

i think that the thrown candle ups this from aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (i think they classify bottles as deadly weapons . . . but maybe that's just if it's broken . . . i wouldn't really know, i'm not totally fucking insane) to attempted murder. read more here.

i'm going to start an online petition to have courtney put in jail. people have been executed for doing less crazy shit than she does like every-other week.

thanks to my fellow blogger nerds for sending me courtney-related items.

No comments: