Wednesday, October 26, 2005

i craft, okay?


tb's friend sent him this email the other day. awesome.

. . . .

So I hear a knocking at the door about 30 minutes ago. I wasn't expecting any visitors today. Hmmm, odd. I open the door. There are four men standing on the kitchen porch of my apartment.

Man with clipboard:"Hi. We're from Chicago building inspection. Did you recently have an intercom installed here?"

Me: "yes."

Man with clipboard:"By this man?" Guy with a baseball hat looks at me.

Me: "I don't know. I didn't see them when they put it in."

Big fat well dressed man: "May we come in?"

Me: "Sure."

In they all come and they look at the new intercom for a second. Then sortof shuffle and mumble. The fat guy looks at my microwave and says "What is that?"

They all stare at the object.

This is the object. (see picture)

Pretty fake looking, eh? This is what's left of my Halloween costume from last year. I have stuff like this all over my apartment. I craft, ok? It's halloween time after all. If they had looked in my fridge they would have found a severed arm. There is a severed head in the freezer. But I digress.

"Ok, we're not really building inspectors." Out come the guns. Great.

And what am I wearing? Unshowered and sporting my grey zip-up hoodie - Unabomber style.

Naturally I ask for ID. This is the first thing that pops into my head. Not "It's not a bomb", not "What's going on here" but "Do you have ID." I see badges. Ok. This is for real.

Long story short they explain that they are the FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force and tell me that they guy who reported me was Baseball hat guy! This is the same guy who, incidentally, stole my ladder! This idiot was left alone in my kitchen for five hours, at any time he could have examined this toy and seen that it was nothing, but no - HE calles the FB fricking I.

They start asking questions, who I am, how long I lived here, where I work. I explain it's simply a costume, I never wore it out in public, only a gag made of broom handles and dvd boxes. They start taking pictures, all very friendly now. I'm still farking FREAKED OUT but we're laughing and I'm showing them the blinking light on it and explaining that they can actually TAKE the stupid thing if they want to. I tell them to please explain to my new landlord that I am NOT in fact a terrorist and that I really want to coperate because I don't want anymore "surprise" visits and is there anything I can do to follow up. That sort of thing.

I put the "bomb" in a paper pag and they went on their merry way.

Whew.

So how's your day going?

3 comments:

lostsatellite said...

holy fuck!

I thought you might get a kick out of this...on Sunday night, some friends and I discovered this abandoned TV set in the parking lot of a funeral home on Farwell in Milwaukee...my friend was pulling into the spot that had the TV set at the end of it...I noticed graffiti on the set, and looked closer and saw that it said READ......my friend took pictures while it was dark and rainy, under the glow of my friend's headlights...

sure enough, someone else discovered this TV set when it was on the corner of Farwell and Irving and made a post about it to the "found_objects" community on livejournal...

http://www.livejournal.com/community/found_objects/2468578.html

I dug its artistic and social commentary value...

lostsatellite said...

hmm...the URL is too long, but if you add 2468578.html after the last slash, then it should take you right to that post...

SarahReznor said...

Middle Eastern every day life but without our sense of humor and add a dash of paranoia… sorry guys..!