Tuesday, February 07, 2006

like sands through the hourglass, this is some boring crap.

let me just say that the opening credits for days of our lives is like my favorite thing of all time - the ooky music and that guy's cheesy voice saying, "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives," with a computer-generated hourglass with said sand (is "sands" the fancy way to say it?) pouring through it, and then out busts the cheesy classical score. it's perfect for a soap.

at least this soap has the sense to actually refer to where it's supposed to take place - although "salem" is pretty generic. my granny lives in salem, wi, and i don't even know if that town is incorporated. none of the men are as hott as the ones on all my children, so at least it's, err, more realistic.

when someone on a soap talks to themself, it's basically three fully-formed paragraphs that describe exactly how they feel and precisely what their plans are to fuck someone over and/or enact revenge. whereas when i talk to myself, it is usually a swear word in reaction to me dropping something.

almost all scenes in this episode took place either at a hospital or at the courthouse - where all exciting things happen. i counted 15 people with speaking parts, and only one of them was a walk-on character. that is a lot of people to have to follow for less than an hour.

this is what i got: hope and bo had a child named zach who was accidentally run over and killed by bo's daughter chelsea. bo was covering for chelsea and chelsea's mom billie was going to take the fall because i guess that's what mothers do to prove their love. hope found out that bo had covered for chelsea and she was screaming and crying. billie's boyfriend patrick started meddling, and turned in some tapes that proved that chelsea was driving, so billie broke up with him . . .

wow. fascinating. more talking and arguing and tears and long dramatic pauses. as sp said in her comment from yesterday, i guess i missed the big accident last friday and now i just get to hear everyone talk about what happened.

there were also two side stories - one featured a guy with temporary blindness whose wife is cheating on him (in his hospital room's bathroom, no less) and the other was a "wacky" woman who was faking an illness so that she could talk her daughter into marrying some guy and not telling him that he is the father of some other girl's baby . . . ummm, okay. oh, and the woman who's cheating on her blind husband is the "sick" woman's doctor. got it?

fucking stupid.


SP said...

I've heard it said by some social commentator that soaps are the Shakespearean drama of our time. not to say that they are so big and important and able to stand the test of time like that, but just in their sheer production volume (soaps don't ever go into reruns) and their pop culture level--no one gets all snobby about liking soaps nowadays and the "theatre" was actually kind of pedestrian in Willie's day. Also the soliloquies, as you point out.

And, I have to add that a month or so ago, we had a day off and I randomly watched part of DOOL. Bo and Hope's kid was in the hospital after the accident (I think?) but my point is, the big drama was that she was going to lose her car (totaled) AND HER LICENSE. Dun Dun DUN. They seriously did a zoom-hold over that. It was insane.

the syracusan said...

This shit is boring me to death. Are you going to have a sports week this year? You should, it fits right in with your stated goals. You should do a baseball week sometime this summer and watch every Cubs game for 7 days in a row. You could catch the White Sox if they have a game that doesn't compete with the Cubbies. Then during the fall you could have a football week. I bet you're scared to because you might end up liking it.