Tuesday, August 29, 2006

helpful money-management tips

i came across this amazing link today on the smoking gun. apparently, when staff at northwest airlines were being laid off, they were distributed a really condescending and horrible pamphlet featuring "101 ways to save money," which include, among totally obvious ways to not overspend that any kindergartener with a quarter burning a hole in her pocket knows, "#46 - don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash" and "#21 - make your own baby food." i likened the list to having someone punching you in the face, and then peeing on you.

i forwarded it and tb sent back his contributions:

102. Have you updated your life insurance policy? An early death could benefit your loved ones more than the funds draining prospect of living to full term (75 years men/80 years women).
103. Considering a new career? There's cash to be made hand over fist in the scrap metal industry... all you need is a truck (or grocery cart) for pick up & hauling.
104. Fck you.
105. Healthy kidneys go for $40,000 cash on the black market.
106. Males: white, college educated sperm is worth $500 a shot/junior college $200. Females: eggs fetch at least $3,000... twelve times a year, that's $36,000.
107. Go fck yourself.
108. Children under the age of 18 are eligible for adoption.
109. Receive clothes, food, free dental and medical (plus free travel!) in the U.S. military.

we all got into the spirit . . . pos sent these:

110. Walk on the wild side and sell drugs!
111. You and your wife can fake having quintuplets!
112. Save aluminum cans!
113. Confess to the murder of JonBonet Ramsey! Sell the movie rights for boku $$$!
114. Try out for the lead in "Snakes on Plane 2!" Sure to be a blockbuster!
115. "Find" a finger in your fries! Huge settlement check on the way!

i added:

116. you can make like $20 if you can forget your humanity long enough to prostitue yourself. $25 if you're clean.
117. if you can draw this pirate or a turtle wearing a turtleneck, you can go to art school (from home). artists make lots of money.

and jc chimed in:

118. Invest $20 in a Salvation Bell Ringer costume before the holidays and reap the benefits.

really, the bottom line is, if you're poor, it's because you're dumb.

1 comment:

Orhan Kahn said...

"#46 - don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash"

I just can't believe that. I mean wow, just wow!