Tuesday, September 26, 2006

i was going to use some jet lyrics as a headline but i looked some up and they're all really kind of dumb


been busy.

pos is fucking awesome and took me to see the pillowman at the steppenwolf on friday. i first read about martin mcdonagh in a really great new yorker profile that i can't find anywhere online, and i saw the lieutenant of inishmore in new york earlier this month - i am a fan. i need to track down six shooter, the short film that he won an oscar for last year. i liked the pillowman a lot - not as bloody or funny as tloi, but really twisted and dark. pos left me a message the next day that it was the pillowman calling and that he was going to drop by around 3 am to talk to me about the poor choices i've made in my life. i would know that it was him because he is nine feet tall and made entirely of pillows.

what else have i been up to? mummy and dad were in town sunday - went and saw half nelson, which i liked a lot. my dad frowned at me during one particulary low point in the main character's life and said "what is the point of this?" i liked the movie because it was less plot and more character sketch. the 13-year-old actress, shareeka epps, was amazing, and ryan gosling is a damn fine actor. after the movie we went to marie's, a far-north-side pizza place that looks frozen in 1974. there's a liquor store attached. the waitress was totally coked up. it's tb's favorite pizza place. we acted all adult and paid for our parents' dinners.

pos also won free passes to hear jet play a five-song set at the vic that was recorded by xrt, with a short interview afterwards. jk is always winning tickets to shows in milwaukee because he always manages to be the 10th caller or whatever, which is really nerdy but endearing. i believe that pos just got an email - no hitting redial for him. it was really cool - maybe 50 people in the audience, and they played some new songs plus "look what you've done," which is a sweet beatles-esque song off of their debut. we were told to come back at 7:30 for their actual show that night, which was a nice surprise. the show was good - a lot more rockstar than the set that they recorded. the drummer is funny and even though they are highly derivative, they're ripping off the stones, the beatles, ac/dc and oasis - so i like em. i certainly like them enough to go see them for free.

links:

people keep sending me this youtube video of a strangely-ageless-lookin child busting a serious move

cocaine knows you'll be back after you lose all of your teeth to meth

kk has been sending me all sorts of stuff lately: fish are now employed by the us government to fight terrorism; authentic chinese delicacies are creative and fucking disgusting; and she reminded me that this is what we always said would be in my future (cat eats my face after i have died, cold and alone in my apartment, and no one bothers to check in on me until the landlord realizes that i'm a few months late in rent, at which point he will find my mummified, faceless corpse and a really sinister kitty - or 17 really sinister kitties - hovering near what's left of me. kk once drew such a picture in the sand when we were at the beach - big-fanged cat and my dead, half-eaten face - and the resemblance was actually pretty outstanding. that kk - so sweet).

Thursday, September 21, 2006

get in the ring


tb has a new job with the chicago park district, marketing events and all the cool shit that the lakefront has to offer. it's the perfect job for him. he was able to hire his friend df to create the rad poster you see here for the uptown rumble, an all-ages boxing show at the clarendon community center that i went to with pos last night. apparently the clarendon community center's boxing ring was featured in this blockbuster that i somehow missed. tb and df also met up, and we watched about ten bouts, three rounds each. there is no way that some of those dudes were still in high school. what got me were the little little kids who were fucking tough and wailed on one another with total energy and skill. if i was their mom i don't think i could have watched. i knew it would be an interesting time when the first bout featured these tiny little seven-year-olds, one with a gushing, bloody nose. i felt bad but it was pointed out to me that kids that age get bloody noses by just sitting in front of the xbox. free activities at the community center are entertaining and interesting!

jc is funny. she sent me the link to this website, where you can post photos and details about assholes you have dated so that other women will know to stay away. she told me that i had some posting to do, as she has heard my truly amazing stories of douchebags and losers that i have known (most of them just really bad first-and-only dates). jc is also there to listen when things are really really good, too. she's a good friend, that jc.

you break it, you buy it: click here. eww! i can't believe i just said that.

i sent jmm two mix cds a few weeks ago after i hung out with her and her rad four-month-old hazel in nantucket. hazel and i became bffs. she'd smile at me and touch my face and i didn't even mind having to sing "100 bottles of beer on the wall" (i think we got all the way down to 17 on one particular evening) to shut her up in the car. jmm never got the package and we assumed that it was swiped by her shady mailman, who she thinks also takes her vogues. she let me know that she got the cds today, finally, and that she told her husband that they were the best mixes she had ever received (um, besides the ones that he makes her, she quickly reassured him). i was pretty proud of the one i made for the baby. feel free to replicate for any child that you want to warp (in a good way).

songs for hazel, august 2006

  1. Heaven And Hell – 20th Century Steel Band
  2. Rock Upon A Porch With You – The Boy Least Likely To
  3. Breathe Me – Sia
  4. Golden Slumbers – Ben Folds
  5. Blackbird – Sarah McLachlan
  6. I Feel Good All Over – Horace Andy
  7. Someone Else's Song – Wilco
  8. Mister, Would You Please Help My Pony? – Ween
  9. Who Loves The Sun – The Velvet Underground
  10. I Will Sing You Songs – My Morning Jacket
  11. These Arms Of Mine – Otis Redding
  12. Raindrop – The Reinder Section
  13. Satellite Of Love – Lou Reed
  14. Disconnect The Dots – Of Montreal
  15. Good Woman – Cat Power
  16. God Only Knows – Mandy Moore & Michael Stipe
  17. It's 5! – Architecture In Helsinki
  18. She's A Rainbow – The Rolling Stones
  19. Lazy Line Painter Jane – Belle & Sebastian
  20. Folk Song – David Gray
special shout-out to ecf, who is 29 today. he's one of my favorite nerds.

Monday, September 18, 2006

"this bowl will tell people that you are not a failure who spends weekends watching e! true hollywood story and drinking wine from a gatorade bottle"


pos sent me this mcsweeney's list of "refreshingly honest crate and barrel catalog descriptions." the mixing bowl commentary totally spoke to me. speaking of mcsweeney's, they have a new book of lists out - and the cover has a unicorn on it!

you really can't beat an opening paragraph like this: "A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store." thanks to rb for always making sure i know what's really going on in the world.

excellent email subject line from jk: "apparently saddam has been watching too many kids in the hall reruns." click here for a threat that is now just funny.

i don't know what the fuck this is, other than a sure sign of the apocalypse, and that bc promised me one for my birthday.

anyone know what this photo is of the unidentifiable mammals in some guy's hand? photoshopped? i don't remember where i found it, but it's now my work computer's wallpaper. i want one.

i think carol, the elderly next door neighbor who i described in my post a few days ago about our prowler, is pissed at me. i called the landlord and told him what happened and reiterated that it's really not okay that carol can't even close her back door because of her totally necessary and important stack of phonebooks from 1983. she was standing in her doorway shuffling through papers and i went out for a cig and i said hi and she ignored me. it is entirely possible that she is completely deaf, though. god knows she never hears me when i tell her i have to go as she blathers on for a solid twelve minutes about how her callouses hurt. yes, she is that gross.

that's all i've got. going to downsyndrome grove tomorrow night for work. it's kinda lame to stay at a hotel less than 30 miles away from my apartment, but it's not like i'm paying for it. oh, but i am. not literally, but i am. i have jc and ng staying with me, though, so we're gonna play girl talk and braid each other's hair and maybe call boys.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

















this is the photo i wish i had used on sept 7th's post

understatements.

gross.

dun-dun-duhhhhhhhhhhhnn.

cool.

hollywoodland: B. the black dahlia: C.

dumb.

i had a nice weekend.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

prowler!!!


so last night, around 11:15, i was winding down from the day, drinking a beer, and decided to have a cigarette on my back porch. i live on the second floor and share a porch with an insane 85-year-old woman named carol who is a pack rat and wears pajamas and a crooked wig every day. our back porch is fucking disgusting. it contains, i shit you not, at least five plastic lawn chairs, a cloth dining room chair, a kids school desk, end tables, statues, plants, cleaning supplies (ironic), a ratty stuffed animal, fake flowers, garbage cans, books . . . it's so repulsive i find myself smoking in my apartment so that i don't have to deal with it back there. oh, and pigeons roost back there and shit on all of her stuff - to make a sick situation even worse. before i moved in it was even worse - i told her that she had to clean it up (which she did - the list above is what it looks like when it's tidy). she put all of the magazines and phone books and stacks of papers that were on the porch into her apartment - sort of. "sort of" because there is now a three-foot-high stack of oldass ratty nasty papers in between her screen door and her kitchen door. if we ever had a fire she would die for sure. the porch is all wood and leads down to a gated area that separates us from the alley.

so anyway, i am enjoying my cig and beer and i hear a weird rustling coming from the porch below mine. the apartment directly below mine is a guy named frank, and the apartment next to his, under carol's, is larry's. except larry died over a year ago, and carol, who is his aunt, still pays the rent so that it can stay just as it was, full of all of his stuff. recipe for disaster. so i hear something weird, and i look down over the steps, and some guy wearing a bright orange t-shirt is climbing the side of the steps. ummm, stairs are constructed in such a way that you could use them to go up a flight without having to climb . . . anyway, it made no sense. crackhead. i knew he was up to no good. i stood up and said, pissed off, "dude - what are you doing?" he looked at me and i suddenly realized how fucked up the whole situation was, and as i ran into my apartment he was shouting "no no no - sorry!!!" i locked the door and called my brother (who of course told me to call 911).

the chicago police department are awesome - three officers were in my back yard in 5 minutes and they were totally cool to me. they were excited to hear that he was wearing an orange shirt, since a guy with the same physique and bad fashion sense i described was lurking around in my neighborhood up to no good earlier. they also pointed out to me that the back gate was unlocked, and one cop pointed to carol's back door and said "that's just asking for trouble." GREAT. it's so awesome that i live next door to an elderly woman who is basically on a suicide mission, and that all sorts of crazed freakshows can access my porch.

i need to get a baseball bat.

Monday, September 11, 2006

"nyquil is the secret for all you twelve-step recovery program people" - denis leary

i am avoiding most news outlets today because i don't want to reminisce about five years ago. first of all, i can't believe that was five years ago, because if you really wanted to talk about it all i could give you a moment-by-moment breakdown of what went down in my head that day as i sat on my couch in my light-blue nightgown watching tv and listening to fighter jets breaking the sound barrier in the dc sky, since i had called in sick that morning. the truth of the matter is, no one i knew died that day, my september 11th story is no more significant than anyone else's, all of the images and thoughts and fears are still seared into my brain, and i am not fond of watching it replay on tv or reading about it in the papers. no disrespect to anyone who died or suffered that day, because not a week goes by that i don't think about it.

so that's that. now on to the trite!

i'm listening to depeche mode's 101 right now. this album is so freaking awesome; it's the soundtrack of me at 15.

moxie motive played a 20-minute set on kexp's live show from chicago on saturday. it was really great - four songs, and the dj seemed to really dig them. kexp is an awesome seattle-based internet radio station that all of the music bloggers freak out over, so it's really rad that they came to chicago for a weekend and had local bands perform. there's an mp3 for "i think you are" on kexp's "song of the day" page

i had a really good weekend, considering i was pretty sick and had no business going out, much less drinking. the dayquil package said "avoid alcohol," which i loosely interpreted as "take it easy, champ" rather than "combining the two will fuck you up." click here for a page dedicated to denis leary's rants and scroll down to the part about nyquil. as of about 6 pm tonight i seriously thought that i had caused permanent brain damage, i was in such a downsy fog. went to the hideout/touch-and-go records block party with pos friday night. we saw girls against boys, ted leo + pharmacists, and !!!. i have zero recollection of gvsb, i really dug the ted leo song "the ballad of the sin father" and !!! were awesome. i totally adore "pardon my freedom," which they played. i only had a few beers at the show and then one more at the bar afterwards and i was totally woozy. dayquil + beer = bad idea.

my sickness continued all weekend long, but i still managed to make it to see little miss sunshine (funny) and to tb and js' party, where marley, after a few laps of foster's, became even more retarded than i was feeling. eb asked if the foster's was in honor of steve irwin. hahahaha. sad. i was supposed to go with eb to find her a wedding dress on sunday but all of the shops she looked into are by-appointment-only and close early, and we're not typically by-appointment-only kind of girls, so we bought some bridal magazines and cut out photos of dresses that we liked. it was very fifth-grade-collage of us. she and sf drove me home after dinner and told me to go to bed, because i was just a slow sick mess. can't wait until i'm over this. damn you, ernesto.

jk sent me this link - apparently another white buffalo was born on the same exotic animal farm in my hometown that miracle the white buffalo was born at in 1994. it was a big deal then - something about sacred native american significance. i'm not totally well-versed in the matter because in 1994 i fucking hated my white (buffalo) trash hometown and the thought of a buffalo burger made me angry (former vegetarian). here is a choice quote from the farmer, when asked about the new white buffalo's father: "We just turned him into Hamburger Helper." also, miracle is now sitting in their giftshop, stuffed. great. now i have a new totally lame point of reference whenever anyone asks me where i am from. if anyone cares this time around.

getting fired over email is the new getting dumped over the phone: it's just never appropriate.

my wireless connection is kinda fucked right now so i'm just going to (try to) post. that's what i get for stealing an unsecured signal. i believe in internet karma (i kept mine unsecured at my last apartment, and tc, who lived downstairs, enjoyed free use, so i don't feel bad. besides, everyone knows that the internet should be free anyway).

Thursday, September 07, 2006

"the night time was painted black with fun . . . and in bars drunk we knew it all"


new york was rads. i got to see literally 20 people that i'm buddies with (now scattered in new york, dc, new orleans and new haven, all up in the city for the weekend). i booted after a jager shot at 5 am on sunday and then happily rallied with an amstel light. i laughed in shock at all of the gore in this play and at the muppet sex in this one. i got a shitty cold because it rained pretty much every day. i had to listen to some hostile zombie bitches argue with me about how asthma and arthritis and allergies are psychosomatic (and can be cured by clearing your engrams) at the scientology center in times square. i met and rode the subway with this guy and colbert's "black friend." i got my hair trimmed for $70 before tip (whyyyyyy do i never ask before i sit in the chair????). i scored pe a $5 pashmina from a guy selling them off of a card table, as per her request. i ate pizza and indian and portugese tapas. my liver is shot. i am exhausted. i would so live in new york - but only if i made about $3 million a year. otherwise, it just wouldn't work.

anyway, back to chicago, back to work, back to zzzzzzzzzz.

this hangman game is pretty entertaining.

here is an article about sacha baron cohen and the new borat movie.

more info on the 18-year-old kidnapped and held captive since she was 10 - read here. i'm sorry i called her a stockholm syndrome case a few days ago. i'm also sorry that i bothered to even post about the freakshow who confessed to killing jonbenet when all he really wanted was a flight out of thailand, where he would not have been happy in prison there on charges that he was fondling little girls. skin crawling.

okay, i'm boring myself. i feel like crap. i'm not bothering with work tomorrow. too much vacation requires a few days off from work.

lyrics of the raveonette's "new york was great"

And New York was great and we loved it all
And New York was great and we loved it all
But time was riding fast upon my shoulders
What a shame

The night time was painted black with fun
The night time was painted black with fun
But all the time the light shone through it all
What a drag

And in bars drunk we knew it all
And in bars drunk we knew it all
And promises we spilled out in the night
What a trip

And the stars we plucked from great black skies
And the stars we plucked from New York skies
We placed them all in front of us and laughed
What a trip