Tuesday, October 31, 2006

happy halloween.


this would be my brother (who is almost 33 years old) and marley.

the hotel i'm staying at tonight is supposedly haunted. whatever. i aint scaired.

Monday, October 30, 2006

i'm sure i'm alone in this, but i love weekends.

saw running with scissors. it wasn't as funny or touching as the book, but it was enjoyable. it could have been a half-hour shorter, but the set design was perfect in its mid-70s hideousness. oh, and gwyneth paltrow actually says the word "fishsticks" aloud, which is what michael k calls her on dlisted, so that made me happy.

also saw moxie motive at subterranean last night. i know that you don't know who they are (they don't even have a proper ep out) but you ought to, and YOU WILL.

went to the peanut butter wolf and madlib chrome children tour show at the metro on saturday night. i don't know what the hell happened, but before madlib even came on i had to sit downstairs at smartbar for lots of water and a coke and then pos took me across the street for a corndog and soup (good boyfriend) because it was like i had roofied myself. i blame the trumer pils i had before the show. it's served in a really big test tube. the bad food worked its magic - i was totally fine and we went to jmk's and mc's halloween party. they kept insisting that you had to wear a costume if you were gonna show up, so i went as jmk. i'm always mocking his monogrammed button-downs, so pos gave me an old shirt - see photo. i didn't bother with the facial hair or glasses, but i think i got the point across. pos was going to go as a serial killer (they look just like everyone else, see?) but js found some lady sov paper masks in the metro's women's room, some sort of random marketing effort, so he wore one of those. he looked totally believable. well, maybe like a foot and a half too tall. we have tickets to see her next weekend - should be awesome. she played the 9:30 club in dc and it sounds like it was a great show.

pos and i were in a cab around 2:30 am when we left the party and drove past wrigley field, and there were hoardes of costumed drunkards spilling out of the bars. i pointed out that halloween is the only night that many girls feel free to wear the skankiest clothes they own - naughty nurse and slutty nun and little lolita and boobtastic dorothy etc. i was once getting pizza on 18th street in dc after a halloween party (dressed as courtney love and just as snarly) when a girl walked in wearing a costume only one modesty step above a frederick's of hollywood crotchless dominatrix outfit. and it was probably 40 degrees outside, and i couldn't tell if her gangsta boyfriend was in a costume or not. anyway, we saw all sorts of stumbling half-naked drunk girls and were commenting on this when the cab driver said, in his high-pitched accent, "and then they're surprised when they get raped at the end of the night!" pos and i looked at each other and started laughing, more out of surprise at his comment than its (lack of) humor, and the cabbie started laughing and was like "sluts!!!" eeks. reminds me of why i am amazed at the amount of trust i give to the various cab drivers i have ever hired - you walk drunk into the street and get into a stranger's car and then TELL HIM WHERE YOU LIVE and when you get there you actually give him money. eww. things i don't like thinking about.

another totally random comment: pos and i were gonna go to kitsch'n for dinner sunday but it was closed, so we went to costello's for sammiches. the guy at the counter was mid-20s and totally normal, and he paused while he took our order and said "you guys smell great, by the way." then he paused and said, "it's been a long day," acknowledging that what he had just said was really odd. we were laughing but i could feel my face turning totally red. perhaps i was embarrassed for him.

echo sent this to me. npr is funny, but drug-addict cocker spaniels are actually a really serious domestic issue.

going to west virginny for work. i'll be there for less than 24 hours. work is ridiculous, innit it?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

i really miss all of those fuckers sometimes . . .

i must say that i have, really, the coolest friends. they're all so smart and creative and rads and funny. go here for am's blog - she posted the pumpkins that she and the other new york crew carved. mad props to lk for her randomass "monkey smoking a pipe" pumpkin, but my favorite is rm's recreation of this threadless t-shirt.

most of the new york crew are friends that i made in dc, before we all scatted here and there. the four years i spent in dc (july of 2000 until july 2004) were more educational and fulfilling than the four i spent in college. i feel bad for people who settled down early - call me selfish, but i firmly believe that your 20s are for figuring out who you are, what you want, and trying new things, with room for fucking up built in. i think that you should live with your friends and travel and spend every dollar you earn on yourself. i'll be 30 in a few months and i no longer want to do all of the shit that was normal when i was 25, but i am so happy that i did what i wanted when i wanted for a nice long stretch. i look at dc with starry-eyed nostalgia - it is the only city that i could have spent those four years in and be the person i am right now - and this craig's list post hit home.

more later. feel like i have neglected the blog.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

i am in an abusive relationship (with my ipod)


spent part of my lunch hour at the "genius bar" in the apple store. had to swap out my ipod. again. this is literally the sixth ipod i have had. advice: pay the $60 for the one-year extended warranty. you're gonna need it.

people always ask me what i "do" to my ipod to make it break every three months. i listen to it every day, yes, between one and twelve hours. i keep it charged. i keep the software updated. i have it in a light blue leather carrying case when we're out. i keep it in the bose ipod stereo when we're home. i treat it real nice. i thought that we were friends. i thought that we trusted one another. i thought that . . . oh my god, i can't believe i thought this . . . that i loved my ipod. and i thought that my ipod loved me. DIDN'T I TREAT YOU RIGHT? didn't i?

whatever, BITCH. i just traded you in for a new one. all it takes is like 10 hours to transfer all 11,000+ songs over and then i am SO OVER YOU.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

i enjoy attending cultural activities in my community.


scored free tickets to see cold war kids at schuba's on friday; it was a lot like when i saw ok go there - jane magazine (which i got so sick of i don't even bother with anymore) and lacoste sponsored a free show at schuba's with an open bar and a weird buffet of like chicken wings, and the crowd was 85 percent girls. this one was sponsored by knob creek, so the only open bar was if you wanted bourbon or whiskey or whatever it is that knob creek is; we did not take advantage of the booze but the show was great. there was a girl with a head full of curlers in attendance; i fucking hate hipsters, if that's what she considers herself. like, that is a pointless declaration of "i am DIFFERENT (just like all of my friends)."

speaking of weirdos in the audience who throw you off, just got back from seeing fat pig with pos, tb and js. it was sooo good - neil labute is really dark and awesome, and the cast was perfect. basically, it's about a yuppie business guy who meets an overweight girl and totally falls for her - they laugh a lot and, when they're alone, feel totally comfortable with one another and get along really well. he is, of course, totally confused and torn about how others view her and how they must think of him, since she's a fatty. the dialogue was totally cutting - there are only four characters - tom and helen (the couple) and tom's two co-workers, the asshole friend and the hot girl in accounting who tom had briefly dated but found to be too vapid and demanding. he hides helen from them and when they find out about her they're absolutely perfect as case studies in how shallow and evil people can be when it comes to appearances. it was so well-written and real, and i really liked it. the problem, of course, was that the theater was very small and was arranged so that the audience sat on two sides so you could see everyone on the other side (and there were probably less than 50 people total there). one woman sat in the front row on the other side and was totally distracting in how bizarre she was - she took the whole play so seriously (perhaps taking it all a bit too personally, the whole people-judge-you-in-unfair-ways thing) that she was staring and gasping and silently emoting and covering her face with her hands and basically just looked totally deranged. of course, we were all trying not to laugh at how crazed she was, which just made concentrating really difficult. and then she was staring at us and i was worried that she was going to say something to us afterwards, as she sort of lurked near the stage and kept looking at us. um, please don't hurt me. i certainly wasn't laughing at the play, which clearly struck a very bizarre chord with her. regardless, i highly recommend seeing it. i really thought that the cast was excellent and i just wish that i hadn't been so distracted by how weird that woman was.

of course, i kept fucking with pos in the car when he drove me home, asking why he's hiding me from his friends and family, if he's ashamed of me. i was clearly kidding. he's meeting my mom on wednesday. we've been dating for six weeks. we're totally retarded. it's so cute. i like that he's friends with my brother. i like that we knew eachother for a year before we realized how much we liked one another. i'm gonna stop talking (typing) about it, though, because the last thing i want is to make my blog my Personal Internet Diary. i don't even like talking about my blog. pos calls it "that thing we don't talk about" - like "oh, i saw that on that thing we don't talk about" when i mention like a youtube link or something. i'm not gonna talk about him or our relationship (um, i sorta slipped and am right now), but six weeks? hahahahah.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

NOW i know why there is a slit up the side of the rectal rocket jmk proudly showed me, as he pocketed two of them.


back from vegas. i have very little to say other than one of the medical supply company's booths in the convention hall were giving away rectal rocket suppositories and that i won $100.50 off of a ten dollar bill at a wheel of fortune slot machine at the circus circus casino, which is a total fucking dump but which i love.

links - i have tons but am pretty tired right now and probably wont post all of them because after the sangria i had tonight and the week i just had i pretty much just want bed right now.

if you live in chicago or know someone here that needs a place, please rent jc's apartment. i get to help her move saturday morning!

i love the bunny-movie-synopsis-in-30-seconds cartoons - here is fight club. bitch tits. thanks to pos for the link.

hbs sent me this article on just how environmentally sound it is to purchase/download music online, compared to buying a cd at a store or having it mailed to you because you bought it over the internet. huh. shit you never really think about.

sorta juvenile but pretty enjoyable: when album art goes to war. click here for video. thanks to tb.

a note to my single friends who are boys: beware, unless you wanna be a babydaddy.

that's all i got for now. i'm out of cigarettes and it's time to sleep.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

viva las vegas, etc etc.


in vegas for work. this is the first internet connection i have found. i am sitting at the back of a room while a consultant speaks to one of the groups i'm in charge of. there isn't internet in my room at the hilton (nor is there a coffee pot or hbo or even good lighting - they pretty much want you to hate your room so that you go gamble downstairs), and i have been busy running around for work (we're having a big convention - i'm here for five nights). i wrote must of the shit in this post before i left, but my free (decent wireless signal) internet at my apartment was out. i sincerely hope that this isn't the end of my illustrious career as a wireless thief.

i haven't been able to do anything fun while i've been here. i did go get dinner with jk and ab. YEAH we went to the star trek restaurant in the hotel, and YEAH it was super lame. the beer sampler was good (they were all dyed different colors - out of this world!!!) and i only ordered what i ordered because its name was so fucking retarded (flaming ribs of targon). i didn't understand any of the star trek references on the very-hard-to-understand-if-you-have-social-skills menu and it was soooo awkward when this woman dressed like a klingon or whatever walked up to our table and stared at me and then spoke with this bizarre accent and i just sort of stared back at her and i really wanted her to leave and i also really wanted to find out about her as a person who probably makes $10 an hour with no insurance and has kids and probably just makes the best of her situation. i want to know how one just decides to walk through a casino restaurant in a klingon outfit, professionally.

also: there is a star trek wedding chapel at the hotel. must try to get a tour of that.

ps - i don't even like star trek. i liked the wrath of khan movie when i was like eight years old, but that hardly classifies me as a social retard.

pos and i saw okkervil river at schuba's last sunday. i don't know anything about them other than that they are from austin and that i totally adore the song "black" and i really appreciated how good they are - indie-folk (there was a mandolin) but less annoying than bright eyes, and they rocked out. the lead singer apparently had his zipper open for most of the show and when he noticed he said "did you guys see that my fly has been undone this whole time? and did you guys see that i don't have human sex organs?" funny.

i laughed louder, though, on monday, when i saw tv on the radio at the metro. there was a smoke machine that was getting a little overused (actually, any use of a smoke machine is overuse) and the guitarist said "could the wizard in charge of the smoke please keep your magic to yourself?" LOVED that. that show was totally badass. pitchfork reviews the show here. i got pretty drunk on accident, but i do recall that my favorite song of the night was "staring at the sun," which was introduced as "stars are blind," that fucking horrible raggae-ish song that paris hilton recorded (and was overdubbed with a robot). you know what? i fucking hate that piece of white trash shit so much i don't think i will ever mention her again on this blog. sorry i even said her name once. SO USELESS. i could go off on a major tangent about how utterly disgusting her conspicuous consumerism is, and how repulsive - truly repulsive - i find her public claims that she is a BRAND and not merely just a fleshbot of america's worst qualities. i could but i wont.

my friend jl is in town for a month doing a rotation at northwestern hospital (cornell med school - yeah, she's a complete idiot), and we wanted to hang out before i left town, so she asked if i wanted to go see this blogger who has a new book read at borders. she sent me an email saying that she read the book (borrowed from a friend who gave it a glowing recommendation) and didn't like it, found it to be only mildly amusing, if only because the author is this shameless must-tell-my-most-private-details-loudly-to-anyone-who-will-listen new york yuppie who wants everyone to find her to be a faaaabulous divorcee with martini and clothes addictions and will let everyone, including her dad, know about whose dick she most recently sucked . . . which i find to be soooo 2000, very sex in the city, totally played out. she's preggers with twins (she and the babydaddy got married like a month ago) and totally self-obsessed and her writing is weak at best. sorry, but i don't know why people get book deals (and, ahem, are working with nbc to create a show based on her life) to publish memoirs when all they have to say about themselves is that they have low self-esteem and once hooked up with a guy who wore a mesh thong. here is her list of things about her - a very good example of how grating she is. also, i assumed that she was fairly middle-aged, but then saw in some article that she is in fact a mere 29 (same as me). bitch looks busted.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

some secrets should stay that way.

another postsecret card.


this is clearly about cuddle parties. i do not approve.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

i'm having a cuddle party, but carol isn't invited.


it's interesting that i came across this article on how hand- holding is a fundamental act of intimacy (slow news week, nyt?) the same week that i found this website via popbitch - a really creepy "super positive!!" couple hosts cuddle parties in new york, and you can become a cuddle coach and host your own parties. they're about three hours long, you show up in pajamas, and you non-sexually hold and touch and cuddle with strangers. um. no. be sure to read the FAQs.

i believe that news biscuit is the british version of the onion (i still love the onion more, even if i often wish i lived in the uk). the article is okay, but this headline is fucking funny.

speaking of the elderly, my porch is undergoing a very strange renaissance. i called the building owner after the prowler incident and we talked about the issue that is my porch - my pigeon-feces-covered, cluttered, dangerous, junk-sale-esque porch, all compliments of carol, the deranged 85-year-old who lives next to me and doesn't know how to properly share the space that is supposedly both of ours - and he said the funniest thing. he's eastern european, i think, and he said in his heavy accent, explaining how he would rectify the situation, "you know what i'm gonna do? i'm gonna send over some guys who don't speak english and have them clean off your porch." i thought that he was kidding, but apparently he sent some workers over to replace some beams and railings, and they clearly threw half of her shit away. we're down to the plastic lawn chairs, the kids school desk, a plant, random plastic bottles (um, carol, why do you have a bottle of sodium chloride on the porch?), and some glass bricks, but you can actually walk back there now.

i wanna see the new scorsese movie - nicholson, damon, (m) sheen, (a) baldwin, (m) wahlberg, even little leonardo dicaprio makes good movies, always to my surprise. here is a list of the top-ten nicholson movie moments. i totally love this prank call to a woman using only jack's courtroom dialogue from a few good men. also, here is a wapo article about how jack is elderly but still rad.

te told me about this at the bar on friday - and it's a good example of why i don't watch or read the local news (i'd rather not know). some chicago handyman loner guy held a woman captive in a retrofitted sex closet for three days, feeding her water and brown sugar and raping her. the owner of his building is all like "oh, he hasn't had a girlfriend in like 10 years. keeps to himself." fucking scary! reminds me of buffalo bill. when pos and i first started dating (like a month ago - feels a lot longer, but in a good way) he would call me "it," just as buffalo bill would ("it puts the lotion in the basket"). he would say "i hope it enjoyed itself tonight" and "i got it home before 10:30!" and this, friends, is one of the many reasons why he is the best bf i've ever had.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

another postsecret card



not a secret so much as really good advice.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

bam-ba-lam


i don't have very many links today. except for this one.

went to the sbe vol iv exchange tonight. see, me and my friends are nerds, and sb started an "experiment" (hence the E in sbe) where you take a group of co-worker friends, all very different but all very cool, and have them make mix cds for one another on a quarterly basis. this way you get all sorts of new stuff that you probably wouldn't have otherwise, and even if you hate most of the songs that everyone contributes, you're bound to like a few randoms. like, how did i not know about ram jam's "black betty" before? and, like, i'm not going to actually buy a kelly clarkson cd, but if you want to put her on a mix for me, i will secretly listen to it. we do themes, and this time was a secret theme - put a bunch of songs together and make everyone guess. tc did a mix with songs that remind her of someone (her selection for me: hanson, of course), pjl did a timeline of his favorite songs since he was a kid (starting with run-dmc's "it's tricky" and ending with tv on the radio's "let the devil in"), avg did covers, and sb did body parts ("head like a hole" and "a rush of blood to the head" and songs by tool and bush - hahahah). i need to pick a theme and run with it. i could do guilty pleasures, but some of my choices would be much too embarrassing to actually give to other people. i have lots of rad covers, but that feels a little lazy. maybe colors - white stripes, red hot chili peppers, black rebel motorcycle club. maybe i ought to just fucking come up with something.

random, but true: we discovered that "purple rain" (inclusion on the colors mix?) is the perfect "party's over, get the fuck out" song on saturday night. i had long given up being dj and someone turned it on pretty late into the night and someone else said, "hey! that's 'get the fuck out' music!" and, magically, almost everyone did. i was also out of beer.

new christopher guest movie trailer here. ricky gervais is in it!

the post is a month and a half old, but you can still pick up the new(ish) veruca salt single "so weird" on stereogum, which was the song louise/the band opened with last friday when i saw her/them. be sure to check out the bitchy comments at the bottom of the page. i don't know, i kinda like that song.

pos and i saw american buffalo last night. it was really great - three actors, one set (a pawn/junk shop in the early 70s), planning to rob some guy of a buffalo-head nickel. david mamet's dialogue is sharp and there was good use of violence. there was even a crew bio for the "fight choreographer" in the program - he is apparently "one of fourteen Fight Masters with the Society of American Fight Directors." i kinda want that job. the show is currently in previews so i got free tickets and there were probably only 30 people tops in the theater. we were in the front row and i was worried that bobby was going to bleed all over me.

new postsecret card



love it.

Monday, October 02, 2006

"falling in love, my walkman and me, with david bowie. yeah-eah. (you betcha!)"


haven't properly blogged in a while. it's pouring and lightning and thundering like crazy outside. i left my window open and my tv and dvd player (cyberhome, which is perhaps the cheesiest home-appliance name ever, $30 at best buy, tempermental, probably now dead) got wet. only have one cig left and there is no way i'm walking the one block to the mini-mart to get another pack. since i'm trapped inside and am too scared to plug in the tv, i may as well make good use of the situation. as long as my electricity is still holding up.

i happen to like snarky/clever t-shirts. don't get me wrong, they are usually worn by total tools who could never come up with the funny line on their chest on their own, and i do not buy t-shirts that say anything other than maybe a band's name, but seeing a shirt with something stupid like "free mustache rides" written on it at the store makes me laugh. i am a big fan of the homemade t-shirt as well. tc rocked her "i heart skinny boys" shirt at my party this weekend, which her bff made with iron-on letters, and i had a shirt that read "cunning linguist" made for ag for her birthday last year (cuz she's a writer and a lesbian. get it? get it?). my friends in high school had a really bad punk band called cunts on ice and i changed the B on an old-school cubs polyester ringer shirt into an NT and wrote ON ICE underneath. my english teacher made me keep my ubiquitous zipper sweatshirt on over it. BITCH!!! just kidding. i wouldn't wear a homemade shirt that had the word cunts on it anymore, but i think it's funny that i did when i was a smartass 17-year-old. anyway, the kiddies in high school are wearing all sorts of sexually suggestive shirts these days and the parents and school boards are all worried and what's wrong with the kids today they just keep getting worse and worse and growing up faster and faster and blah blah blah. the wapo investigates here.

the nyt doesn't buy the whole "the raconteurs are just four dudes who make music" thing - they know that people only pay attention because it's mr white.

it's horribly amusing that jared leto said that he thinks that "blogs should die a sudden death," because that's precisely what i think of him.

how much do i fucking love david bowie? he's still hott, god bless the elderly ex-addict, he has written some of the most interesting and amazing music of the past 25 years, his real name is davy jones, he inspires everyone from trent reznor to veruca salt, and he was awesome as warhol in basquiat. and then he goes and plays himself on the new ricky gervais (love him) show and just makes me love him even more. wish i was a somalian supermodel. watch here.

speaking of veruca salt, jmk and i saw them at the double door on friday. saying "i saw them" feels like a half-truth, as now it's just louise post and three people she hired to keep the band going. i loved them in high school, i loved their second album in college, and i loved the first post-break-up album the first year i lived in dc, which is a fascinating mess of rock songs louise wrote about hating nina gordon for leaving the band and about hating dave grohl for leaving her. she/they just released a new album that i suppose i'll look into acquiring but i'm not in any huge rush. the show was good - loud, fun to hear the old shit, the new stuff was pretty good - but, and i feel like a bitch for saying it, she looked horrible. like "i stopped doing coke because i'm gonna be 40 soon but i still wear the fake fur coat that was rad in 1996 and i gained some weight and bleach out my hair but if i stick a fake flower in it i'll look cute" bad. sorry louise. i feel like a bitch now. but i am happy that i got to see the band, even if it was really just a one-woman show. she doesn't need her anyway - the shit that nina's been releasing as a solo artist makes sheryl crow seem cutting edge.

here's a totally random headline.

saw jackass number two with pos last night. it was super fucking funny, of course. i didn't like all of the snakes, though - i mean, i understand that they need to keep pushing themselves to see just how fucked up they can get without being seriously hurt, but an anaconda hidden in a happy fun ball pen is enough to make me avoid chuck e. cheese for the rest of my life. there were some truly disgusting montages that caused everyone on screen (and the cameraman) to vomit, and that spike jonze is a funny little man. i can only recommend this movie if you are still secretly 14 years old (because i am).

i promise that if you come visit me in chicago i will show you all of this stuff and a lot more. (offer valid only for people i actually know).

goodfellas is one of my all-time-favorite movies (second only to beyond the valley of the dolls). when i was little i loved sesame street. this mashup makes me really really happy.

no one claims to know anything about this.

had a party saturday night.




that's carol's grocery cart, by the way.