Sunday, October 08, 2006

i'm having a cuddle party, but carol isn't invited.


it's interesting that i came across this article on how hand- holding is a fundamental act of intimacy (slow news week, nyt?) the same week that i found this website via popbitch - a really creepy "super positive!!" couple hosts cuddle parties in new york, and you can become a cuddle coach and host your own parties. they're about three hours long, you show up in pajamas, and you non-sexually hold and touch and cuddle with strangers. um. no. be sure to read the FAQs.

i believe that news biscuit is the british version of the onion (i still love the onion more, even if i often wish i lived in the uk). the article is okay, but this headline is fucking funny.

speaking of the elderly, my porch is undergoing a very strange renaissance. i called the building owner after the prowler incident and we talked about the issue that is my porch - my pigeon-feces-covered, cluttered, dangerous, junk-sale-esque porch, all compliments of carol, the deranged 85-year-old who lives next to me and doesn't know how to properly share the space that is supposedly both of ours - and he said the funniest thing. he's eastern european, i think, and he said in his heavy accent, explaining how he would rectify the situation, "you know what i'm gonna do? i'm gonna send over some guys who don't speak english and have them clean off your porch." i thought that he was kidding, but apparently he sent some workers over to replace some beams and railings, and they clearly threw half of her shit away. we're down to the plastic lawn chairs, the kids school desk, a plant, random plastic bottles (um, carol, why do you have a bottle of sodium chloride on the porch?), and some glass bricks, but you can actually walk back there now.

i wanna see the new scorsese movie - nicholson, damon, (m) sheen, (a) baldwin, (m) wahlberg, even little leonardo dicaprio makes good movies, always to my surprise. here is a list of the top-ten nicholson movie moments. i totally love this prank call to a woman using only jack's courtroom dialogue from a few good men. also, here is a wapo article about how jack is elderly but still rad.

te told me about this at the bar on friday - and it's a good example of why i don't watch or read the local news (i'd rather not know). some chicago handyman loner guy held a woman captive in a retrofitted sex closet for three days, feeding her water and brown sugar and raping her. the owner of his building is all like "oh, he hasn't had a girlfriend in like 10 years. keeps to himself." fucking scary! reminds me of buffalo bill. when pos and i first started dating (like a month ago - feels a lot longer, but in a good way) he would call me "it," just as buffalo bill would ("it puts the lotion in the basket"). he would say "i hope it enjoyed itself tonight" and "i got it home before 10:30!" and this, friends, is one of the many reasons why he is the best bf i've ever had.

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