Saturday, December 30, 2006

i heart global warming: 50 degree christmas, no snow


dead pool update: while i did not have the godfather of soul on my list, i did have gerald ford (7) and saddam hussein (31), so added to my 9 for pinochet, i have a total of 47 for the year. not in last place, but i sure as fuck didn't win. the pot was for $300, as there were five players, but i have lured more friends into participating, so next year's dead pool will hopefully be much more lucrative, and i plan on winning. 2007's strategy: go for the old.

my holidays have been super nice. i haven't been to work since friday the 22nd and i don't have to go back until wednesday, jan 3. i've been spending a lot of time with pos and his family, i went home for christmas eve and day, my sister and mom came to chicago to hang out, i got to see college friends cl and ea, who i hadn't seen for about five years, as well as hj, one of my bestest friends and who lives in new orleans these days. plus i have had marley on and off, as tb and js just moved into their new condo and are in florida for new years, and i am having a party tomorrow night where em and hk are coming in from philly, kk is coming in from dc, and eb, sf, pos, te and lk and all coming over.

i have been eating a lot of good food and loving not having to go to work. when i do go back to work, i will start a new position, as i got a promotion, and rumor has it that i will be moving into an office on the 8th floor that has a DOOR and a WINDOW that overlooks michigan avenue. this is quite the step up from the ghetto cubicle that i currently sulk in all day. the verns is no longer my boss. so in 2006 i got an apartment i love, the best bf evah, and a new job as well. 2006 was awesome.

oh, and i love presents. pos got me rad boots and some perfume and silver hoop earrings. his family is sooo nice to me - his sister, who lives with her family in ireland and who is in town for a few weeks, brought me a really pretty piece of irish pottery, and his parents got me a bath and body works vanilla sugar gift basket, and his brother and his family gave him a gift card to a retaurant for the expressed purpose that he take me there.

i got scary psycho clown coasters from tb, i got itunes giftcards from hj, the new annie leibovitz book from sf and eb, the onion daily calendar from tc, jc took me to lunch, js gave me a rad hello kitty tea set, db got me some kitchen utensils and an anne taintor luggage tag that says "i love not camping" (my hatred for camping is well-known).

my parents were very generous with me this year and got me lots of really nice wedding christmas presents: cookbooks, a martha stewart how-to-clean book, a kitchenaid knife set, and a kitchenaid 10-piece pot and pan set. these are things that i do need, and i had asked for one good knife so i can learn how to properly chop shit up, and i asked for a five-quart pot so i can make chili, but my mom went a little overboard. the pots and pans came in a large, heavy box, which was giftwrapped in straight-up wedding paper with ribbons and bows. she said that she bought the set at a department store and wanted to get it wrapped, but they told her that they only wrap wedding gifts, so she said "it IS a wedding gift." i think that, even if she wont admit it, and even if it is buried deep into her subconcious, she certainly was buying me wedding presents. what's rad is that i have had a boyfriend for FOUR MONTHS. she's getting antsy about her children, ages 32, 29 and 26, all perfectly happy with the people we're dating but not engaged, not pregnant, and not even talking about it (except for tb and js, who casually mentioned that they don't want to get married in a church when the time comes, which caused a shitstorm on christmas eve and culminated in my mother crying at 8:00 mass, which tb and js chose not to attend). she needs more hobbies and needs to learn to back off. but i do love the presents - i guess that 2007 is the year that i learn to cook.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

shred down


an email that jms sent this morning:

"If you missed The Colbert Report last night, I would highly recommend checking it out on comedycentral.com. The entire show was devoted to guitar solo 'shred-off' challenge made by the Decemberists to Steven Colbert. The assortment of guests were even more random than you would find on your average VH1 Celebreality show. The show was introduced by Morley Safer in the style of 60 minutes. The 3 minute introductory song was by the guy from Apples in Stereo. The judges were a rock critic, producer, and ELIOT SPITZER. The guy who told them to start rockin' via satelite was Henry Kissinger. When Colbert 'hurt his hand' and couldn't perform, Peter Frampton took his place against the Decemberists' lead guitarist.

Yeah, all that in a half an hour. I had to watch it again today to make sure I wasn't high last night."

return of the muppet.


i am dog-sitting marley again - tb and js have a wedding to attend in milwaukee this weekend.

having a little doggy around is funny - you just mutter gibberish at it, sort of as a way to make it feel secure and wanted, and partly to make it stop squeaking and yipping, wondering where the hell his owners are.

names that i call the dog: marley, mars, mars bar, marles, marles barkley, marles in charge, puppy, pups, pupalups, muppet, puppet, muppetpuppet, muppypups, monster, and ewok. i got "marles in charge" from tb and js, which i think is high comedy. they also call him "professor whiskers," so i say that sometimes, too.

mars basically stretched himself across my body to sleep last night, and ended up bouncing around between me, pos, our feet, and our faces. i don't think he slept at all. hopefully that's what he's doing right now, rather than eating a pen.

also: i found a pair of my undies in his dog bed this morning, which he clearly found on my bedroom floor or in my laundry basket. pantysniffer! marley is a perv!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Friday, December 15, 2006

since i get to leave early, i will leave you with some entertainment.


little britain is probably the best thing i discovered in 2006 - love it. i got jmk to netflix it and he loves it, too - he sent me this. yeah, i know.

here is some randomness, featuring a unicorn and a sasquatch. it's shit like this that makes the work day so much easier to get through.

michael k from dlisted (another fine distraction that makes work tolerable) was a guest sex advice columnist on nerve - so cute! i also love that he told his readers to ignore the photo, because he looks fat. hahahah. i think that some of the advice from other guest bloggers sucked. why doesn't anyone ever ask me to be a guest advice blogger? i mean, TENS of people read me every single day. thanks to tc for forwarding.

speaking of nerve, here's some good readin: their list of the top 40 best celebrity rumors.

tb sent me that still from the republitards' official 2007 calendar. he titled this one THE DECIDER. hahaha. i sincerely hope that history is not kind to that man. he is beyond a shitty leader and a bad man and a complete idiot to boot.

my 2007 dead pool list is coming together in fine form. i'm also really excited for all of the friends that want to get in on the action - all it takes is 50 names, $5 a month and a firm understanding that while you may not wish harm on anyone, you wouldn't mind collecting the points when they die. because they would have died whether you had placed money on them or not. anyway, i have 64 names and need to whittle that down to 50.

i keep posting stuff way after it is relevant or new - but here is borat's clebrity playlist. funny.

i really like this video. they're an adorable couple. good song, too. here is pitchfork's top 25 videos of 2006, in case that one wasn't good enough for you.

and i'm out. we're having our office holiday party this afternoon - we get to go to the top floor of the w hotel, which has awesome panoramic views of downtown chicago and lake michigan, and we get an open bar, lunch, a dj, and a raffle. the lunch and raffle are appreciated; the open bar and dj would be a lot less awkward if our party wasn't from noon until 3 pm in a room flooded with sunshine. one thing that's funny: they always wait until 3 before handing out our gifts (usually a $100 gift certificate to use online), because some people really are tacky enough to grab lunch, take their gift and scram.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

finally getting around to posting what is not necessarily important news, but entertaining regardless.

the problem with rarely posting is that all of the stuff i've saved in a draft email to later write about is inevitably posted first on blogs that i (and, i am assuming, you) read, so by the time i get around to saying anything about them, they're old news. so forgive the regurgitated posts and articles - i don't do this full-time, for chrissakes.

british scientists, who apparently raided my college cd collection for this study, came up with the world's saddest song (scientifically speaking - they measured heart rates of test subjects), which is "the drugs don't work" by the verve, and the most exhilarating, "song 2" (which you probably know as "WHOO HOO") by blur. as a fan of both bands, this is funny to me. is "the drugs don't work" a downer? yes indeed, but i never felt as if my heart literally slowed down as i contemplated how the drugs have stopped working and my life is a black hole of depressing uphill battles. is "song 2" totally amped? errr . . . well . . . i mean, i like it. i'll put it on a party playlist for my ipod, not expecting people to start bouncing off of the walls but perhaps to simply remember "hey, yeah, it's that song. anyway, as i was saying . . ." that being said, i would like to formally declare that urban hymns is perhaps one of the best albums of all time, richard ashcroft is one of the greatest frontmen of all time, and "bittersweet symphony" is hands-down my favorite song of all time. you can watch videos for both "the drugs" and "song 2" here - and the onion a.v. club's commentary that "If you listen to them back to back, you can find out what manic depression feels like (in the UK)" is hilarious.

i saw a "remixed" trailer that re-imagined the shining as a wholesome little-boy-looking-for-a-dad movie, and it was pretty good. i like this one - mary poppins as a horror flick.

oooh, i gots a crush! hillary needs to step off. watch this.

i love scribbling out to-do lists - they make me feel as if merely writing down what i want or need to accomplish is half as good as actually doing it. these are funny.

i totally adore wikipedia. when my friends and i first discovered it - and also discovered that a slutbag whom they had gone to high school with had fucked some low-level bush administration men for cash and somehow turned her skanktitude into a writing career (while also selling the rights to her story to sarah jessica parker, who knows a thing or two about milking flexible morals and questionable sexual politics into pop-culture trash) has a wikipedia page - we were like "we ought to create our own pages! it's like the ultimate friendster or myspace page, but for, like, for real adults!" fortunately, we realized how entirely nerdy that would be, even for us, so this never happened - but it seems as if it would have been deleted anyway, as the wiki is to be taken seriously. i would link to said slutbag's page, but i don't want to give her any more credit than she has already received. it is awesome that one of her claims to fame is that she was photographed for playboy (including such tasteful photos of her exposing her breast in front of the capitol building and her taking a shower), but it didn't even make it to the print edition, just the website.

speaking of wikipedia, i found these linked off of the 2006 deaths page, which is key for checking on dead pool stats. when diets work a little too well: here (apples and tomatoes) and here (diet coke and lettuce). take note, nicole richie. you are worth 75 points in the 2007 dead pool.

and, finally: i wish i lived in north carolina.

two things about the verns.


my boss is a special lady. i am careful to not say too much on the blog about my job, for all sorts of paranoid reasons (as well as not wanting to bore you to death), so i haven't mentioned the verns much (her name is verna, but "the verns" is just way too appropriate for her, and i tend to call her this when she isn't around. it's an affectionate nickname, really).

the verns is fantastic to shoot the shit with. she always wants to know what my weekend plans are, how my personal life is going, if the gift she bought for her 23-year-old daughter is cool or not, etc. she's kinda like a fun mom figure in that she wants to make sure that you're happy, comfortable and having a good time. these are great qualities to have in a boss. unfortunately, on the business end of everything . . . well . . .

so this morning, i go into her office to give her some documents, and she's chatting with a co-worker. about mork and mindy. no, i'm not kidding. she was going on and on about how much she loves robin williams - really, madly loves him - and i asked if she thinks that he is attractive. she said "not really. but, i'm tellin you, if you're a crotch-watcher, YOU KNOW that he's packing." i started laughing and backing away slowly (this is one of the least-explicit things i have ever heard her say when she gets going on such matters - for real) and then she yelled after me when i was in the hallway, "oh, and jim carey, too! you see him wear those tight jeans, and you just KNOW . . ."

when i got back to my desk after my mid-morning smoke, there was a package on my chair, wrapped in "50 - Better Than Ever!" birthday paper. i opened the card and realized that it was my christmas gift from the verns. for the past two years she just gave me $50 in cash (way too generous, in my opinion), but this year she gave me a kate spade handbag. it's really pretty - a wool pattern that matches my winter coat but has little flecks of pastel in the fabric, nice silver hardware, black leather strap and bottom. when i saw it i was like "VERNA!!!! this is too nice! i love it! but really, that is way too generous." she said, "yeah, well, it ain't real" (upon further inspection, she is quite correct - the kate spade label is easily peeled off, since it's a cloth sticker) and told me to look inside. she got me an ornament. a personalized one. with my name and pos' name on two clinking champagne glasses with "1st Christmas - 2006" painted on it. it's nice. it's also . . . kinda . . . creepy . . . considering we've been dating for just a few months . . . and "1st christmas" seems . . . well . . . "iknowwehaventbeendatingverylong - butyouhadbetterneverleavemeoriwillcutyou." i was wondering why she called me a few weeks ago and asked what my boyfriend's name is.

so that's just two things about the verns. a little window into the miscellaneousness that is my every day dealings with her. here is an old post that might offer yet even more insight. she's an interesting person.

also: the kate spade knock-off reminds me of a story that my friend ks told me. she bought a simple black nylon kate spade handbag off the street for $40 in dc and decided to actually buy a real one (retail price: around $300) at bloomingdale's when she was in new york. she set her knock-off on the counter to get her wallet out, and the salesgirl looked at it and sniffed, "huh, i've never seen that style before." hahahahaha. BITCH!!!


Monday, December 11, 2006

a good excuse for why i haven't bothered lately


i saw a book called hipster haiku at barnes and noble this weekend that made me laugh.

how's this for ya:

I don't blog daily
Such foolish consistency
Says "I have no life"


by the way, i no longer have 0 points in the dead pool. pinochet died at the age of 91 - no tears for that guy, and i actually got on the board. i'll take the 9 measly points. tb is now in last place. trailed by me. i've been working a better list lately. thank you, brooke astor for making it this far - just a couple more weeks, girlfren. i suppose if she does die before 2007 i'll still manage to have five points.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

oh special day


special birthday shout-out to pos. he's 36 today. i love telling him things like "the challenger exploded when i was in the third grade" and seeing him get a little creeped out, thinking about how he was in high school when i was learning how to subtract. i'm taking him out for a nice dinner tonight and we're taking tomorrow off so we can hang out. i also got him a cool birfday present but i'm not gonna say what it is because i know that he reads this.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

i don't really have a title right now.


been busy.

not to beat a dead horse or anything, but this is amusing, sent to me by tb.

special guest photographer: pos took that photo of the black keys with his cell phone when we saw them a week and a half ago. my celly is all ghetto and doesn't take pictures.

i don't really think that i talk too much. i think i type more than i speak. that's what happens when 70 percent of your friends live in other states, and you spend your days IMing and emailing (in between working, when you can get to it). jmk sent me this, pointing out the quote that “Women…actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices…similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.” whatever, fancy scientists with your fancy science.

jmk also sent me this with the subject line "if this is real it is great." someone had a rough night. love the recap at the end and the instant replays. when in doubt, just smoke some cigs while sitting on a keg and wait for the cops to come arrest you.

am came to chicago for a wedding and we were able to meet up for brunch at ann sather's (mmmm - cinnamon rolls) and catch up. made me miss her and all the new york kidz. she sent me this website, get mortified, where you are supposed to submit hideously embarrassing photos, notes, journal entries and the like from your torturously lame childhood. funny. however, none of these are nearly as mortifying as the horrible memories i have from the ages of 8 til . . . well, last week.

ab sent me this - the website of the REAL borat. i wonder if js finds this guy as hott as sacha baron cohen. probably not.

cd, who i miss a lot, sent me this link, which offers ideas on what to do with a pile of old ticket stubs, because it reminded him of me. i made like five awesome framed collages (very fourth-grade but very artistic, if i do say so myself) of old tickets to see bands, museums, writers, and the like a few years ago (no movie stubs, though - that's just too anal). i have a shoebox full of more of them that i must get around to doing something with. cd also got all nostalgic over email this week and sent me, jh and sj the link to the blog that we all posted on a few years ago, called "the pink and the black," which, if memory serves correctly, was actually a "private blog" and was a way for us to leave little messages for one another. i posted this on tuesday, august 5, 2003:

"i heart the flaming lips.
i do not heart how fucking insanely tired i am.
worst weekend ever. worst monday ever. worst SUMMER ever.
when will jesus stop punishing me?"

i have no remembrance whatsoever about what was so horrible about the first weekend of august 2003, so i can guarantee that i have suffered far worse since then. jesus never did stop his punishments.

gotta go. more later. most likely.