Thursday, January 18, 2007

awesomest bookmark ever

the guy who delivers the mail in our building just brought me a pamphlet that outlines the emergency procedures in case of fire, severe weather, medical emergency, and a bomb threat. pretty standard shit that the management company is required to do. what's totally rad is a blue card insert that says "place this card under your telephone" and one side walks you through how to take a bomb threat over the phone while the other is a checklist to help you identify the caller. i LOVE this card.

side one - QUESTIONS TO ASK

1. when is the bomb going to explode?
2. where is it right now?
3. what does it look like?
4. what kind of bomb is it?
5. what will cause it to explode?
6. did you place the bomb?
7. why?
8. what is your address?
9. what is your name?

then there are some blank lines to fill out "exact wording of threat," followed by lines for: sex of caller, race, age, number at which call is received, length of call, and the date and time.

do i even have to begin explaining why this is fucking hilarious?

side two - caller's voice checklist

choose one or more of: calm, angry, excited, slow, rapid, soft, loud, laughter, crying, normal, distinct, slurred, nasal, stutter, lisp, raspy, deep, ragged, clearing throat, deep breathing, cracking voice, disguised, accent, familiar.

there is a part to fill out if you have an answer to this question: "if the voice is familiar, who did it sound like?"

another checklist - background sound: street noises, crockery [??????], voices, PA system, music, house noises, motor, office machinery, factory machinery, animal noises, clear, static, local, long distance, booth, other - specify.

another checklist - threat language: well spoken (educated), foul, irrational, incoherent, taped, message read by threat maker

then there is a section for your remarks, and then the card tells you to report the call immediately to 911.

i will . . . after i'm done making sure i have correctly and completely filled out my card.

2 comments:

sb said...

Crockery? Is that some bastardized form of crock? As in fake, or nonsense? And if it is; am I supposed to be the one who decides if the call is just a crock? Cuz frankly, if it's a crock, I'm not calling 911...instructions be damned.

Orhan Kahn said...

I saw one of those, almost identical, at my last job. Was definetly comical.

When is the bomb going to explode? lol