Thursday, February 08, 2007

craziness abounds


before i say anything else, i just want to go on the record and say that i am sad about the untimely death of anna nicole smith. she was a total mess and clearly had substance abuse, if not mental (retardation) problems, and she had a tabloid-perfect life (who's the babydaddy, why'd her son die, what's with the lawyer/faux husband/leech, did she really sleep with that ancient gajillionaire, how'd she lose 3000 pounds in a month, why can't i turn away from this repulsive spectacle), but no one should die in a hotel room at the age of 39, especially when she has a five-month old.

that being said, i fear that i am no longer going to win the dead pool, as i neglected to have her on my list. i didn't see it coming, though i probably should have, but anna nicole seemed like the kind of random indestructible booze-and-pills hound who would be around for ages. kinda like liza minelli.

before all news outets were obsessing about anna nicole, they were freaking out about the lady astronaut who was obsessed with a gentleman astronaut who i guess was dating a different astronautess, so she drove to an airport to "talk to her," meaning probably kill her . . . i'm not entirely sure, but i do know for a fact that she was wearing a diaper as she drove the 900 miles to find her rival, because this is what all news outlets have been loudly adding to every piece of coverage. also, she wasn't dating and/or fucking the guy, she was just obsessed with him. the only reason anyone cares is because they're astronauts, who are pretty much revered as the smartest and sanest heroes employed by the federal government. otherwise, whatevs, this story belongs on a current affair. it is pretty funny, though - i got an email with the subject line "houston, she has a problem." i wonder if this case will help the new pg-rated billy bob thornton movie, the astronaut farmer, which is apparently about a farmer . . . astronaut. that's probably the worst movie title i've heard in a while.

there have been seven confirmed victims of violent illness from attendees at the super bowl party i went to sunday night. it was a great time, other than the whole bears sucking part, with lots of good food and beer and friends. i don't know if it was something we ate or if it was a general collection of breathing in one another's various viruses and sickness, but DAMN did i get sick tuesday afternoon, and i spent all day yesterday in various stages of being dazed, crazed and pukey. i decided that i was never going to eat food or feel like a normal human being again. i was so out of it i spent 20 minutes scouring my stove because i was sick of lolling about in bed. pos was really sick, too, except that he got ill and then got better about 10 hours ahead of my schedule, so he brought me soup and saltines and gatorade and fruit last night (when is the deadline for the 2007 Best Boyfriend Evah competition?), and when i opened the door he said, "holy shit, you are WHITE."

but i feel like a fucking champ today. being super gross sick is pretty life-affirming the first day you feel better. i'm still boycotting real food, though.

so anyway, here's some cyberweb goodness for you:

i . . . don't . . . quite . . . understand . . . this . . . but i like it.

these are fuckin rad!

you think you've got problems?

i heart this man. sorry about adding you to my dead pool, kurt, but i like to think that you would be mildly amused.

ecf sent this to me with the subject line "new saturday night strategy." hahahahaha.

local newscasts: well, you have to fill an entire half-hour five days a week somehow. thanks jmk.

i totally forgot about this until jmk sent it to me. i just want bangbangbang. so dubm. so awes.

1 comment:

sb said...

my two favorite parts of that local newscast are a) the sketch (did they have to say it was an amateur?) and b) the quote "could be a crackhead got hold of the wrong stuff".