Monday, March 12, 2007

the most universal post secret card ever published below.


been ohso busy.

they caught
the crazy bitch who set four fires in my neighborhood early saturday (all a block away from my apartment at the most), which killed four people with one guy still in critical condition because he threw himself out of a third-story window. a window i walk past every day and admire, as the building is old and has awesome fleur-de-lis accents. so horrible and sad. pos saw her outside the caribou coffee at my corner about a half-hour she set all of the fires, carrying a stack of newspapers and babbling incoherently at him. he didn't know, duh, and didn't figure it out until later, when he read the description. he had told me about the crazy lady with the plastic bags tied around her feet. fucking scary! not to be melodramatic, but my front gate is broken and she easily could have come into my building and lit the place. i finally bought a smoke and carbon monoxide detector today - my landlord doesn't really "care" about "laws."

i never got my 1099 tax form from my bank so i could report the interest my savings account earned. i really need to do my taxes soon - i always wait til the last minute. i called and talked to one of the bank's "tax consultants" and he very patiently explained that since my account only earned 59 cents last year, they didn't mail me a 1099. hahahaha.

i now have a nano. the 60-gig (number seven in 28 months - they broke like clockwork) was fucked, and so was i, as my extended warranty was expired. fuck you, apple. and the strange addiction i have to your shitty but oh-so-pretty products. i was really sad to load my nano with a mere 1,000 songs, which is all the 4-gig can hold, but if i do some introspective soul searching i know that i don't need to carry 12,000 songs around with me. i am becoming wise in my 30s now that i am not in my 20s. oh, and i totally found a white hair the other morning, very long and so jauntily curled into my other hair, and i became deeply concerned.

ruh-roh. the god squad conspiracy theorists are gonna have a field day with this one. and so will those really vocal atheists (who i find annoying, just as much as the jesus freaks), i suppose, but in a different kind of way.

i've been grossed out and scared of this guy since his vh1 behind the music where he described being so overweight that every time he jerked off he felt like he was going to have a heart attack, and he'd have to choose between the two (he always chose jerking off). he's supa fuckin gross, and sounds like a psycho. oh, and his band is embarrassing.
i keep seeing this dude on tv - he's a bed person, and everyone is fascinated by bed people. he left his house! and they used a forklift to get him onto a truck so they could drive him around! hott!

marc jacobs is in rehab. maybe he'll realize that only someone on drugs would buy all of his clothes and accessories at full price (need i remind you that winona ryder was stealing marc jacobs accessories when she got pinched a few years ago? and i would venture a guess that she makes more than i do). i have three marc by marc jacobs handbags (his "cheaper" line) and i seriously had to stare at the first one i bought for like 45 minutes before i decided that i did indeed have to buy it. the other two, which i found at nordstrom rack at like 70 percent off but still way too much, warranted a call to pe, who shares a similar handbag obsession, and she told me that i would be crazy not to buy them, so i did. that was "old kristine." "new kristine" doesn't do that kind of thing anymore. sometimes i miss old kristine.

everyone wants to pull out of ann cuntler. it's just the right thing to do.

they're on to me! according to this quiz, You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop." umm, NO, I DON'T. i thought i DROPPED my accent. SHIT.

must. book. another. trip. to. new. york. as. soon. as. possible. unicorns! jms sent this to me to tempt me back.

2 comments:

hellskitchen said...

See "Party Monster". Truer words never spoken.

CreditBabe said...

Is it that CUTE little boy who played a guy from Home Alone? I know it's him, but CAN"T believe in it? I guess his parents really were leaving him home alone too often!