Thursday, May 17, 2007

blind and dumb, but not deaf yet.


i went to the eye doctor today. i always promise myself that i will find a new eye doctor but then i run out of contacts and resort to calling and making another appointment. although the office is around the corner from my job, they annoy the shit out of me: they act like you're at an eyeglasses mall, not a doctor's office, with salespeople buzzing around trying to sell ridiculously overpriced frames (the kinds of which would only appeal to mid-50s women who think purple and red look "daring and bold" together and would rather look interesting/intellectual than like a mom) and they make me see both an optometrist AND an opthalmalogist, when i swear i could probably find someone that does both and thus don't have to pay two people.

my eyes are very pretty - a nice greenish blue, with gold flecks around the pupils - and like most pretty things, they don't work as well as they should. i get blinder and blinder every year, and there are all sorts of vision problems in my family, and it's a good thing that i love german shepherds so much, because i will most likely be employing one in 20 years.

i am posting about the eye doctor for two reasons:

1) it reminds me of what i happened to witness at the corner of connecticut (a very busy main thoroughfare through dc) and calvert (right where i used to live!) when i was visiting last month. it was in the middle of the morning and i was on my way to the metro to go out to takoma park and see my bitches nr and sc for lunch, and i was waiting at the corner for the light to change and the "walk" signal to appear. a blind guy who was dressed in a suit and smiled the whole time was crossing the street towards me, led by an also-smiling german shepherd seeing-eye dog. the only problem was that the light hadn't changed - the dog had managed to find the crosswalk, as his training probably taught him, but must have fucking forgot about the lights situation, as they were walking directly into oncoming traffic. i even gasped and put my hand up to my mouth like i was victorian, but they just trudged along, and cars stopped to let them pass. no one even honked. it was weird - i didn't want to be like "excuse me? i know you're blind, but your dog is a moron, and you almost got killed like five times a minute ago," but maybe someone should tell the guy that his dog needs more schooling.

2) my optometrist's name is dr lagina. it's pronounced "luh-jean-a" but i want to call her dr vagina the entire time i am sitting in her chair. this reminds me of a text that db sent me not too long ago - she is a telefundraiser and calls lists of people to see if they will donate to certain causes and campaigns, and she said "funny and unfortunate telefund donor name of the day: dick scar."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"my eyes are very pretty - a nice greenish blue, with gold flecks around the pupils"

Who writes about their own eyes in such detail? vain.

hELLSkITCHEN said...

someone who has the confidence not to leave anonymous comments.