Monday, June 18, 2007

lotsa linx to tide you over while i'm gone. i know you're crying. it's okay. i'll be back, okay?

this has totally been my favorite news story of the year: the guy who is suing his dry cleaner over his missing pants (for $65 million) got his day in court. he proved that he's not only a crazy, but also a big fucking crybaby. i can't wait for the verdict - i have the feeling that someone's gonna be pretty disappointed, and quite possibly cry some more. small world alert: i found out that i know the presiding judge's husband - he was the lobbyist at my first job.

fundie splinter-sect weirdo mormons are inbreeding, and their kids are turning out retarded. do they not know about kenny? is he not an example of what not to do? err, i guess not - "The community of about 10,000 people, who shun outsiders . . . are taught to avoid newspapers, television and the Internet." also, they "wear conservative 19th-century clothing." so all that weird extended family shit on big love isn't exaggerated? they seriously have to wear little house on the prairie bonnets and aprons? hey, remember when crazed moms in the 80s dressed their kids like that? i blame holly hobbie and the insurgence of calico. speaking of which, calico needs to make a major comeback.

i've always been really annoyed with musicains who are all braggy about how they do soooo many drugs - it seems so insecure, like the dorky 16-year-old who always has weed to get other people high and thus have friends. i count ryan adams in that camp. he tells the nyt: "I snorted heroin a lot — with coke. I did speedballs every day for years. And took pills. And then drank. And I don't mean a little bit. I always outdid everybody." wow, good for you, ryan. you just proved it: yer awesome. read article here.

you know, i have gotten into (silent, mental) arguments with myself over how much is too much to spend on clothes and accessories (i have a very special weakness for handbags and have spent over $400 for a bag before, $400 which, i would like to point out, i didn't have), but i am not wealthy, and even if i was wealthy, like so insanely wealthy that it technically didn't matter, i promise that i will never think it's okay to charge (or pay) $40,000 for a goddamn handbag. if you have $40,000 for a handbag, you have $80,000 to immediately donate to something worthwhile, like scholarships or disease research or something not entirely vapid and self-serving. if you spend $40,000 on a handbag, i will be amazed if i don't see you in hell. read and weep for the state of selfishness and bad global citizenry here.

article about tattoo removal here. snap, someone beat me to my million-dollar invention idea: "On the horizon is a development that could change the very nature of tattooing: a type of ink encapsulated in beads and designed to break up after one treatment with a special laser." also, a nyt reporter is working on a serious, scholarly book about retardo tattoos. here is a slideshow of some such tats (tony danza?) with the reporter's commentary.

this is a cool read: premier lists 20 movies that are stuck in development, meaning that we'll probably never see them. some of the casting choices are totally bizarre (umm, why would tom cruise be cast as dave eggers in a heartbreaking work of staggering genius when he's a solid 20 years older than the role? although, tom as phil spector might be really awesome). and check out the cast of dino - Tom Hanks as Dean Martin, John Travolta as Frank Sinatra, Hugh Grant as Peter Lawford, Adam Sandler as Joey Bishop, and Jim Carrey as Jerry Lewis - and directed by martin scorsese. rads! but will probably never happen.

a movie about women and their vibrator habbits: ahhhh, i love brits! i wonder if my parents will go see it when they go on their uk vacay this week. what's awesome is that my mom went to a travel agency in our hometown to see if they could help her get better deals, and the agent had never been to england and thus couldn't really give decent advice. so lame. very waiting for guffman. i'm not saying that a travel agent needs to have intimate knowledge and experience of every country in the developed world, but at least the english-speaking ones, you know?

the ex-governor of new jersey keeps reinforcing that he really, really is a gay american - he just totally dissed his ex-wife's clothes. yeah, we get it already, you're gay - and a real asshole, too.

here's a new hobby for SUPER FUCKING NERDS. like, not even run-of-the-mill nerds are going to help google improve their photo labeling system as a competition with a stranger as your teammate. as someone who uses google's image search on a regular basis, i approve of the concept. but REALLY, how totally geeked out. i can't wait to try it - but you do it first and tell me all about it.

i'm not one to cry over puppies and kittys and children, but this is super freaking cute.

so many people (including me and the three people i watched it with and my work friends and the entire population of the internet) were so pissed about the sudden, abrupt blankness at the end of the last sopranos episode that hbo is now basically saying "umm, yeah, he's dead." i also like how a members only jacket can be so symbolic. oh, and i watched with eb, and her family totally goes to that diner, which really exists and is in the next town over from where she grew up, but her dad never got popped while eating onion rings and sitting in a booth. anyway, subtle mystery and allusion is too difficult for most television fans, and here is an online collection of mourners and bloggers.

in case you haven't witnessed this glorious rendition of "omazin grace" - click here. it has been a favorite forward for a few weeks now and everyone laughed really hard when we watched it at sf's 30th bday bbq. pos claimed that this man is not mentally retarded, which only served to confuse us more.

i'll be interested in seeing how this goes over: vera wang is going to have a line of less-expensive clothes at kohl's this fall. i would totally go to kohl's if they had decent clothes - they're a proud little wisconsin chain. i got my dad jeans for father's day - he was like "where can i get jeans that are kind of, oh, well, darker denim, but not like work pants, but have, you know, some white lines in them, but aren't the kind that look broken in? your sister's boyfriend has some like that, and so does yours, and your brother does, too. i just . . . i just want some cool jeans." totally touched that my pushing-60 father wants to unleash his inner kool kid, i went to nordstrom to look for some decent jeans for him, but everything was waaaaayyy too trendy and tight (and $200). i ended up getting him two pairs at the gap and he liked them but was nervous about how they were "maybe too tight in the, umm." i told him that they were fine and that wearing jeans that were not light-blue dockers with pleats purchased at kohl's for $19.99 would take some getting used to but will be worth the effort. i hope he wears them in london on his trip and i hope he goes to like topman (male version of topshop, which is uk version of forever 21) and comes home looking like eurotrash. that would be so awesome.

very understanding friend tc told me that she would have gone to see my non-sexual-but-i-really-do-think-she's-really-pretty-girlfriend mandy moore with me at park west last week but she had plans, which is really too bad, because the day of the show i got an email offering half-off tickets. poor mandy - park west isn't exactly large and thus difficult to sell out. tc sent me an email that said "because you're pos' unicorn and you didn't force him to take you to this, i thought this might help ease the pain of missing your girlfriend in concert" and gave me this link. it's her show at park west! i am going to go home tonight, turn down the lights, drink some wine, light some candles, and try not to touch myself while watching this. jokes. mostly.

and i can't tell if this is real or not, but tb sent this to me and this dude is a REALLY SHITTY PERSON.
going to baltimore for a conference this week. which also means free vacation in which i get to see friends and not really do any work.

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