Wednesday, September 26, 2007

headline.


you can go ahead and blame my job for my silence. oh, and i'm going to san diego for like a week for work, so i might be silent for yet another long stretch. OR i might be so bored in meetings that i sneak in some blogtime. we'll see how it goes.

jmk sent me this clip of old dudes mocking indie rock. funny.

sb sent this to me and told me to thank pos for saving me from my otherwise-inevitable future: as the woman that lives in this apartment. my favorite part is when she throws cat chow on the floor like she's scattering corn for chickens on a farm - and the cats go apeshit.

interesting article. great headline. from jmk.

my friend daniel is a man of many talents: he ran for congress (new haven green party), rooker pointer, groom-to-be (and i'm a bridesmaid), and a poet. his latest is published in the apple valley review - go here, go down to daniel sumrall (i counted down to the 34th name) and clickit. i like it. i don't know anything about poetry, but i like it.

my mom called me to let me know that she saw some white comforters at tj maxx (she and my dad are kinda obsessed with hitting that store at least once a week - i fear that they will turn into my aunt barb, who, upon retirement, went to target, walmart, shopko and kmart EVERY DAY after her daily breakfast at hardee's. then she moved to florida, where i can only assume she keeps a similar schedule. her life in general is gross). i had told her that pos and i wanted to get a white comforter or duvet, meaning like at christmas or something, and it's funny that she went looking for it right away. i mention this because it got me to thinking how weird it is to call it a "comforter" - like, boo hoo, i am sad, i will wrap myself in this warm down-filled blanket and calm myself down because that is its purpose, a big swaddler for adults. this reminds me of when pos and i park in lots that require your ticket to be validated by the store or movie theater so you don't have to pay full price. we wander around looking for the validation machine or the customer service desk and one of us will wimper "will someone please validate me?" and the other person will say something along the lines of "you ARE a good person. you are worthy of being loved" - you know, to help them feel better, to validate their self-worth.

yeah. anyway.

WTF is with the phil spector hung jury? oh, and his 27-year-old wife is a total dumbass - surprised?

heather from iafyaf interviews brmc here.

the nyt hangs out with tina fey here.

you know my love for hideous tattoos: here's one that's retarded, here's one that's fucking stupid, and this guy is pretty much simply terrifying.

off to cali.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

"an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars... our great depression is our lives" - tyler durden

my job has been su-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-cking hardcore lately, but i keep doing awesome personal-life things, so i feel schized out - boo hoo during the day, radness at night and weekends. in the last week i got to see wilco play the pritzker pavilion, a frank-gehry-designed beauty in millennium park, for $10 lawn seats (the view didn't suck, though - special shout-out to pjl, who staked out an amazing spot front and center of the lawn, a mere 20 feet from expensive tickets - i made the right choice when i hired him in august). they played for like two hours, including older stuff that i love, and jeff tweedy was in friendly spirits, saying goofy shit like "NAILED IT!" after a song. the show was supposed to be a benefit for a homeless organization, and they handed out commemorative magnets after the show (too bad they're ugly). chicago critic snark jim derogatis rated the show nearly perfect. hearing "california stars" live was perfect for me.

also in the last week, got to see rilo kiley, black rebel motorcycle club, and won tickets to see an upright citizens brigade sketch and improv show. all were great in their own, very different ways. i was surprised with the number of underage screamy girls at rilo kiley, shouting at jenny lewis about how much they love her, and was thoroughly creeped out by this nasty old dude with a greasy white ponytail and hmo glasses who was leaning against the railing a few feet away from us and didn't watch a single song - he was too busy staring at said underage girls. hurl in my mouth, seriously. brmc was awesome because they're dark and hott - "killing the light" is one of my favorite songs of the year, and i wasn't all that excited when pos bought the new album when it came out, but i listen to it all the time. and the upright citizens brigade show was funny - three cute jewish boys and their special blend of humor and pathos. eb and i went on a little dinner and comedy date because sf, her husband of four months, is aways being sent to other cities for work, and i wanted to treat the lady to a night out. without, like, paying for anything.

irish musician simple kid opened for brmc, and as soon as i saw him i wanted to hate him - hippie hair and headband and poncho and banjo and harmonica in holder. but then he cued up his laptop, played his multimedia show on the screen and stared playing, and he was really funny and smart and the music was good - he reminded me of early beck. his duet with kermit the frog was a little too precious for me, but i'm gonna have to look into his albums.

jmk likes to tell me battered-women and women-are-stupid jokes. he also sent me this excellent onion news network story about how there are no battered women, okay? they're just clumsy, alright? my name is motherfucking luka, man, so if you hear something late at night . . .

pos and i had a bet where i won $20 because i knew that ed from live is the waiter in fight club and he didn't believe me, but then he won it back because i thought that the soundtrack was by the chemical brothers, but it was by the dust brothers. nerds.

my mother sends me and my siblings shit like this. too bad this wasn't around when i was growing up - she would have bought it for us fo sho.

you know, i spend a lot of time on the internet - reading the news, trolling for new music, communicating with my friends over email and the blog, finding information - and sometimes i happen upon the inexplicable and the so very random. i spent a lot of time looking at these people.

this is pretty amazing, mostly because that outfit is EXACTLY what i just bought online yesterday.

i love directing you to mj's blog - he posts the best shit, like this.

check out this awesome video by awesome chicago band office.

and i will leave you with three videos to face your phobias, courtesy of three posts from one day on best week ever: claustrophobia (that wave pool looks so refreshing), evil clowns, and dane cook singing.

i have to go to bed now so that i can get up and go to the job that i am really not liking right now. pisser.

Friday, September 14, 2007

home improvement: not just a terrible tv show.

pos owns a very cute brick house on the southside of chicago, a block away from his parents and around the corner from his brother (he is an ideal irish catholic son). all of the houses in his neighborhood (garfield ridge) are 1950s tract houses, post-wwii american dreams, and pos' is a little brick raised ranch with three bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, a front room, and a basement. it has beautful wood floors and pos keeps it in great shape. other than the obvious difficulties of my move (longer commute, farther away from my friends, no gay bars and coffeeshops and overpriced bistros that i often need to be surrounded by in order to feel safe and happy), i am so excited to get to live with pos in his cute house. i already have grand plans for our typical wintery nights that involve very wholesome activities like cooking dinner together, shoveling the sidewalks, drinking tea, me working on a paint-by-number and watching netflix together - my very own 1950s american dream! who knew i was so goddamn domesticated?

to get ready for my move, pos and i painted his bedroom over labor day. i am not the first girlfriend to live with him, which is fine, since, before we started dating, i had decided that i was done with men my own age, that unattached boys under 30 are narcissistic whiny bitches, and that i would make a fabulous second wife. i didn't want a bitter divorced dude who resented women and their child support payments or, worse, a widower who will always mourn the perfect angel he lost and who you will never live up to, but someone who had already been in a long-term committed relationship and it didn't happen to work out and he learned from it and is better in the long run from it . . . which is exactly what pos is. even better, in retrospect, that he never did marry his girlfriend of years and years, they just lived together. i met her at a wedding this summer and she was very nice and even though i don't feel like an adult (just a 14-year-old who gets away with a lot), i love that we can all act like adults and that i can move into an adult house with my adult boyfriend and live an adult life. i just hope that he doesn't make me hide things like my bee gees lunchbox or welcome back kotter board game or shitty thrift store art, as they are currently central pieces of decor in my apartment.

so anyway, the ex asked him if she could paint and he said of course, so she chose blood-red for the front room (one accent wall) and lavendar for their bedroom, with one wall rag-washed a dark purple. this was, of course, hideous, but up it stayed for years, until i asked if i could paint, and he said PLEASE, and we went with a nice blue ("lakeshore") for the bedroom and a nice brown ("smokehouse") for the accent wall in the front room that we'll probably paint this weekend.

the most exciting thing, though, is that pos is redoing his bathroom. i had asked if he could please fix the broken tiles in the shower before i moved in (his home repairs had involved a sheet of plastic and some duct tape), and he agreed, and went one further and decided to update the whole room, which technically could use it but wasn't necessary. we went to menards last night and spent almost two hours loading up a huge cart with a new sink, faucets, mirror, cabinet, towel racks, all of the stuff that you need in a bathroom and never think about. we're getting a curved shower curtain rod like a hotel room (seriously, when did i become this domesticated? i am unfamiliar with this bizarre giddiness over home improvements and repairs) and we spent a lot of time debating the attributes of various shower heads. i was so surprised at how inexpensive everything was - did you know that you can buy a good, normal toilet for $100? i'm not one to know anything about such things, but that doesn't seem much to me, considering how useful a toilet is.

one thing that pissed me off, though, was that we were standing in the aisle at the store with a huge overloaded cart, and this lame dude in a menards vest and a creepy mustache walks up to us and asks pos if we're finding everything all right. he smiles and says yeah, thanks, and i start to say "actually, we still need to find a faucet for the tub . . . " but the guy just ignores me and is all like "are you redoing your bathroom?" and is totally kissing pos' ass, and doesn't even acknowledge me for the entire three minutes he stands there, wasting our time with small talk. what an asshole. i'm a woman, so i don't know anything about important manly shit like picking out a new toilet paper holder. fuck you, menards man. i get very senstitive about such things, and noticed that the only women working at menards are either cashiers or in the plant section. granted, it was 8:00 on a thursday night, but fuck off.

when db and i were little we would sing "save no money at retards" to the tune of the jingle "save big money at menards." even as a kid i knew they sucked.

photos: the bedroom before and after, plus some flowers i planted in pots for the front porch.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

the important issues that define our world.


i have a site meter for the blog, which kind of tracks who reads my blog. it's hard to deduce who it is most of the time - a lot of the addresses are unknown, and i happen to know that my work computer and the computers of co-workers who know about the blog show up as being in reston, va. it's funny for me to wonder about who these people are that are reading. like the uiuc person - who are you? you read all the time, and i have no idea who you are.

the site meter is free, which is a good price for it. it's not very accurate, it doesn't really tell me much of anything, but the two features to it that i really enjoy are "by location" and "by referral." by location is, obviously, where my peeps are at, and by referral is how random people found my blog. i love seeing that people found me linked off of other people's blogs, or from the technocrati boxes that the wapo uses in their stories that i link to, or that they typed in a series of words that, sometimes improbably, led them to reading me. one of my favorites was the term "hot sexy lade" (i think they meant lady), which was what some sexually-repressed person from saudi arabia googled - and, rather disappointingly for them, i imagine, scissors happy showed up.

i stole the chinese hospital sign photo from mj's blog, and i am going to now adapt one of his ongoing blog features, where he lists noteworthy names that he has come across. a sometimes-feature new to scissors happy: weird referrals from the site meter!

some of them aren't weird, per se, but they really demonstrate what it is that people are searching for online and happen to coincide with things that i have posted. apparently, at the end of the summer of 2007, people are really interested in hanson reportedly being oprah's worst guests ever, the fact that anderson copper is a tool and/or gay, and bizarre uses for scissors.

"anderson cooper is a tool" - 8/22/07 - boulder, co
"ghetto shield" - 8/23/07 - unknown, united states
bachelorette size queen - 8/28/07 - bern, switzerland
david bowie doesn't wear fur - 8/28/07 - unknown, united states
"rick springfield's teeth" - 8/30/07 - henrietta, ny
"oprah's worst guests hanson" - 9/5/07 - halifax, nova scotia, canada
"worst guest on oprah,hanson" - 9/5/07 - king of prussia, pa
"do you want whale sperm with that?" - 9/7/07 - chicago, il
fallin get me happy - 9/7/07 - saletto, emilia-romagna, italy
oprah hanson – 9/7/07 – unknown, united states
hanson music band oprah's worst guest – 9/8/07 – unknown, united states
oprah hanson worst guest – 9/8/07 – henryetta, ok
boot and rally you pussy - 9/8/07 - unknown, united states
"anderson cooper" "hott" -gay - 9/8/07 - germany
asphyxiation scissors - 9/9/07 - milwaukee, wi
"anderson cooper" "wit" -gay 9/10/07 - germany
hanson oprahs worst guest - 9/10/07 - duluth, ga
anderson cooper is a tool - 9/11/07 - gainesville, fl
hanson on oprah worst guest - 9/11/07 - regina, saskatchewan, canada
asian head scissors - 9/11/07 - unknown, united states

also: a huge number of people find my blog through image searches for this.

Monday, September 10, 2007

having a job really takes away from the things i enjoy doing.

i really thought that i would have more time to blog, but i was wrong.

happy one-year anniversary to me and my magical unicorn boyfriend! pos sent me a pretty bouquet of flowers to my office on friday, which was a total surprise and which girls really like, especially at work, because work sucks and it is often that the best part of my work day is when he calls me. he usually asks to speak to me in his tom brokaw voice when i answer my phone and pretends to be calling to ask me about the fleecing of america or some other such nonsense. he bought me a beautiful marc jacobs watch for our anny (i try not to be a label whore but i am for marc jacobs) and i got him an 8 gig nano that i filled with bands that he likes and songs that he bought on my itunes account when i wasn't looking (although i did delete devo's "working in a coal mine" and that horrible "evidently chickentown" song, because i hate both of them). i could have cut a bitch when apple released the new fancy nanos like a week after i had purchased pos' gift and like the day after i had opened its packaging to load it with songs. i must admit that i really really want an itouch (despite its lame name) now. all things in due time, i know - i just get mad tech envy.

pos and i celebrated in style this weekend - we saw the flaming lips on friday (check out pitchfork photos here) and went to the hideout block party saturday to see art brut, the frames and andrew bird (our first date was the friday night of the hideout music fest last year). the flaming lips were amazing, as always. before the show a group of guys in red jumpsuits passed out thousands of red laser pointers, tossing them into the crowd. this made waiting for the band to start quite enjoyable - everyone was flashing the lights all over the venue, shooting one another, laughing. in its own strange way, it really got everyone in a happy and friendly mood. the band emerged from a silver spaceship thing from the ceiling, except for wayne, who walked down the spaceship in his giant plastic bubble and rolled around on the crowd's hands for a while before taking the stage. later in the show, he held a big circular mirror up, they turned off all the lights, and we were instructed to shine our lasers at him. it was beautiful - a man made out of red lights beaming lights back at us. i suppose that if i didn't love the lips so much i would think that their alien/spaceship/balloons/costumes/lasers schtick was retarded, but i think that wayne is a total genius and i love that his music is entirely life-affirming and fun without being insincere or simple, and his critiques of bush and the war in iraq are the same. they make me really happy. i smiled and laughed and danced and yelled throughout the whole show. the hideout was fine. the music was okay. i think that i need to stick to indoor venues to enjoy seeing a band at this point - i'm sick of festivals.

enough about me. here is good reading:
jmk sent me this brilliant onion article - "pitchfork gives music 6.8." the best sentence is the last one. i don't even bother reading the bitchfork anymore. self-important and wordy bastards. and yes, i know that i just linked to their flaming lips photos - they are a necessary evil in my music-obsessed life.

tc and sb did the chicago city chase race in august and she blogged about it - so rad! i love that their team name was "strangely asian" - which is what we always tell sb he looks like. tc is allowed to say this, as she really is asian. check out her cuddling the alligator - so cute! she called me at like 10 am to see if i could google a clue for her but i was asleep and the unsecured internet signal i was leeching off of was so rudely taken away from me, so i was of no assistance. sorry guys - but it looks like you didn't need my help anyway.

this just strikes me as a really bad idea.

i have tons more to post but work has to win out. i leave you with the knowledge that there is more than one man out there with the hairy-armpit/burlesque-dancer-crotch tattoo. see evidence here and here.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

just hit shuffle


today's song: "as tears go by" - marianne faithful (watch a 1965 clip of her lip synching the song on british tv here).

best known (unfairly) as mick jagger's ladyfriend and sister morphine herself, marianne is often overlooked as being a great musician. she has released some cool stuff - i have to admit that i don't have a lot of her music, but i do really like "broken english" and "wherever i go." i'll have to check out her recent collaborations with damon albarn, jarvis cocker, pj harvey, beck, and other similarly rad artists. she re-recorded this song in the 90s and her voice is totally ravaged by smoking and her long struggles with addiction - it's strangely beautiful and touching.

check out her wikipedia page for her notorious history - she makes lindsay lohan look like a girl scout. they don't happen to mention the urban legend that the cops, during their 1967 drug bust, found mick eating a candy bar that was sorta, um, inside of her.

and now for something totally bizarre: marianne, dressed as a nun, singing "i've got you, babe" with david bowie during the ziggy stardust era. tv used to be so compelling.