Wednesday, October 31, 2007

my retarded goth/druid roommate sophomore year got really pious about how important and special halloween is. we, surprisingly, don't talk anymore.

some wendy's employees (the girls in red yarn braid wigs and weird holly hobby clothes) passed out free breakfast burritos in front of the wrigley building this morning. it was egg and sausage wrapped in a tortilla. i ate it at my desk about 10 minutes after they handed it to me. it was . . . salty. that's about it, salty. i also got a coupon for a free breakfast combo at wendy's before the end of the year. i am a big supporter of good breakfast. i try to eat cereal or yogurt in the morning before work, but pos and i almost always have a good brunch on the weekends. i don't like a lot of fast food breakfasts because most of them are like eating a salt lick, and the worst meal i think i have ever had was at the atlanta airport at like 5 am at this nasty burger place called krystal's - my flight from sarasota to atlanta the night before had been fine, but then my second leg to chicago was delayed and canceled for no particular reason. i was sent to a dumpy motel and given a $5 meal voucher (hey, THANKS, five bucks goes far) and by the time i got myplate of krystal's i was delirious from bad travel, little sleep and no food. my breakfast was gluey plain grits, a cold biscuit, some "eggs," and a patty of meat that, upon placing into my mouth, i immediately thought "this is what salted horse tastes like" and spit it out.

it's okay if my breakfast was kinda gross this morning. i have meatloaf sammiches for lunch (mmmm - cold meatloaf on white bread with butter) cuz i made two meatloaves the other night in my newfound domesticity, and candy abounds all over the office. btw, the word "loaf" is repulsive.

the nyt talks to fancy chefs (including the guy from moto) and chocolatiers about halloween candy and what they'll be passing out.

excellent commentary on radiohead (and madonna) from the guy in mogwai found here.

i bet we'll have a ton of trick-or-treaters tonight. i don't think i've ever had real trick-or-treaters since i've lived on my own - most parents don't want their kids entering apartment buildings or knocking on the dilapidated doors of shared houses. a lot of houses and yards in the neighborhood take decorating for holidays very seriously - huge blow-up pumpkins and tons of cottony spider webs and lawn ornaments and skeletons and ghosts. it looks strange to see all of this crap around their virgin mary statues in their front yards. one house has a stone goose statue on the front porch and it gets an outfit change for holidays (a cape and a hat of varying holiday prints). i don't ever want to be like any of those people. a carved pumpkin, maybe. that's about where i draw the line.

this is so sad and deranged - and further proof that very little good ever comes out of craigslist.

so i didn't go as carol to jmk's halloween party - i spent all saturday unpacking and doing laundry and i didn't have the time or gumption to gather elderly lady accoutrements and to make myself look old and crazy. i borrowed pos' michael meyers mask and a mechanical jumpsuit he had at an old job. i looked pretty creepy. they all had me run downstairs and cross the street, staring up at them in the window, but the photos didn't turn out. it was rad when an old woman drove by and i was just standing there, in my mask, staring. here is a photo of me on the front porch. i met lots of people at the party - an amy winehouse, a hooters waitress, a slutty girl scout, a slutty sailor, a slutty punk rock girl, a slutty bumble bee . . . notice a pattern? there was also a nun, and the guys were all fully dressed - darth vader, walter from the big lebowski, the dude from the big lebowski, a stereotypical mexican (poncho, sombrero, cap gun). it was fun. i like halloween parties because everyone talks to each other.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

i am happy with the resurgence of the unicorn as a cultural reference.

i neglected to mention that tc sent me the betty white motivational poster that i posted last time. she also sent me this great page of similar photos.

i never dug doogie howser and that how i met your mother show looks like tripe, but neil patrick harris is suddenly growing on me - for this promo for the new harold and kumar and for his halloween costume. and he's gay. call me, nph - we could be good friends.

pos and i watched the live forever britpop documentary (at the rec of i am fuel, you are friends, paired with an excellent britpop mp3 compilation) and it was kind of a mess with no real story arc or point, other than to demonstrate the unintentional hilariousness that is noel and liam gallagher (i love them) and to show that jarvis cocker has the grossest, longest, tapered-candle-lookin fingers ever - they look they belong on nosferatu. oh, and he is very unwashed lately. i do love this is hardcore, though he discussed how that was the worst period of his life - it is a fantastic britpop album, through and through.

jmk sent me this npr link to a spoon show in dc, with opener the ponys. when we went to see spoon in chicago, we dawdled at the sushi restaurant beforehand so that we wouldn't have to see the ponys. i am so fucking sick of them - they open for everyone all the time in chicago, they played lolla, and i even ran into their set at sxsw in austin. ugggh. they suck.

ecf sent this to me, noting that when he first saw the headline he was pretty sure it was about me. i'm not going to get into it, but i have been known to not let things go and to use the internet for nefarious purposes - when warranted, of course. because i do not like having money stolen from me, and i will let that person know. and YES i am still pissed about getting ripped off on ebay, okay? i am entitled to be a little bit crazy about it. ooops - scaring boyfriend, and i just moved in. i best gets to chillin.

my friend cl is in the new york times this week! with a photo, too, of her measuring a huge tree, and all because she's one of those people who actually do shit about the environment, not wait for others to take care of it (like me). can you grab me one of those spotted owls, cl? they're cute. i want one.

and, finally, i like it when rich assholes go to jail: the douche who spent millions having 50 cent, aerosmith, tom petty, the eagles, and kenny g play at his daughter's bat mitzvah (i wonder which ones his 12-year-old daughter was a fan of) was buuuuusted for basically being a war profiteer. fucker.

Friday, October 26, 2007

i'm gonna eat spanish tapas for dinner and i can't wait. i'm also finding it difficult to come up with a decent header for this post.

saw queens of the stone age last night at the riv. the opening band, the black angels, sucked so bad that i eventually yelled this at them when they finally got off the stage (i was a little boozed up and half the crowd was booing). i'm not the biggest qotsa fan but it was fun. the crowd was 90 percent dudes and it has been a long time since i have seen a mosh pit and body surfing. pos really wanted to go, and since i am taking him to see tori amos in a few weeks, i figured that it was the least i could do. after we left and were walking to the car, we decided to duck into a pizza place and get a slice just so that we could use the bathroom. when i was waiting for him a nice and seemingly normal guy who had been at the show started talking to me and it made me really happy to know that, despite my advancing age and domestic-partnered status, i can still get hit on.

speaking of shitty opening bands, that horrible shrieker kristeen young was fired from morrissey's tour. she really did blow. we have the same name (i'm a k, too, SO MUCH BETTER than christine or, as my parents originally named me until my grandmother bitched about it for six months and my mom finally had it legally changed, cristine - and thank god, cuz that's hideous) except kristeen spells it retarded. there have been so many bad openers that i've seen, but sometimes you hear a really great band for the first time. like when i saw the white stripes open for sleater-kinney in 2000 or early 2001 - THAT was a good find.

skanks millions to death from below for these links: i dont understand how this works but it freaks my shit out because i can make her switch. weird! and this is a totally bizarre newscast - first of all, it's disgusting. secondly, their reporting is unprofessional (did she seriously just say "leave a log"?). and thirdly, people actually live in eastern idaho?

speaking of bizarro newscasts, jmk sent me this video of wayne coyne doing the weather on an oklahoma city morning show. i love his suit and undone bowtie, which i think he wears every day. kinda homeless looking but very hott!

jmk also sent me these: this news article describes how to punish someone you catch mid-robbery in your home, and this article is almost too painfully retarded to read. it will fit in nicely as a topic of conversation at jmk's halloween party this weekend, as most people are going as characters from the big lebowski. i'm most likely going to go as carol, so i need to figure out how to do my hair in a crooked beehive and locate some fake roaches to put into it.

have a good weekend, peeps. i hope my middle finger feels better soon. i think i jammed it when i was moving shit around this week and i need it to feel non-arthritis-y so that i can use it for uses both proper (typing, holding things, typical finger usage) and improper (non-verbally demonstrate my displeasure).

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

new alarm clock works shockingly well.

i am moved. i have a new home. the dudes from USA movers came to my apartment at 8:30 on saturday morning and they left pos' house before 11. js thinks that they're on meth, they bust ass so quickly, but they are seriously the best (and cheapest) movers in chicago. i took the last two days off from work to unpack and do laundry and go to target (we seriously spent over $400 there. other than my new alarm clock and a $30 shower curtain, nothing else cost over $20. WTF?!?!?!?!?) and to cook dinner together (i hope this little tradition lasts).

i just looked up my new alarm clock on the target website and FUCK. almost all of the reviews are lousy . . . mostly because it fucking shocks its owners. maybe . . . since those reviews are over a year old, they've fixed the problem . . . sigh. so now its sole purpose is to get me out of bed AND it scares me? least favorite item in house now. (this is why i should read product reviews BEFORE i purchase something).

i "hate" it when people use "extra" punctuation, which actually "changes" what they mean, including apostrophes ( like "get your nail's done") and "quotation" "marks." jmk sent me the link to the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks, and they have a great list of "other snarks" as links, such as crummy church signs and literally, a weblog. i hate that too. i know a couple and i really like them but it literally drives me insane to listen to them tell a story, as they literally say the word literally in literally every sentence. for reals. lits.

remember all the hubub about the chicago marathon? the onion did the best job reporting on what really went down. that shit makes me laugh and laugh. i fucking love the onion.

jmk sends me stuff all day at work (he sent me the above onion article). i finally convinced one of the less-retarded IT guys to download itunes onto my computer for me (it got lost when i had to get a new harddrive and i have suffered with the horribly-1998 windows media player) so now i can listen to jmk's music, as well as get my goatlord fix. anyway, he sent me this and he claims that it scares him. freud would have a lot to say about it (and he'd probably agree).

the rumors are true: james blunt really will fuck anything that moves. here he is pining away for a triangle on sesame street. he has a creepy weasle face. i like it when tully gets down. and i guess anderson cooper will be on soon, too. i used to have a little crush on him. it's the hair, okay?

the "preppy murderer" (TOTAL PRICK - read his sick story on wikipedia) got busted for selling coke, along with his girlfriend, who fell in love with him when he was on trial for murdering a girl in central park whom he had just picked up in a bar (his defense: it was rough sex that got out of hand). this reminds me - while i was unpacking i had e! on for background noise, and they had this "investigative reporting" (exploitation journalism) show on crime groupies - women who go after serial killers and convicted felons. they did a segment on danielle steele, who knows a thing or two about loving crazies, addicts and cons (sooo romantic). also, this reminds me of the errol morris first person dvd that pos and i watched - he interviews a bunch of randoms simply because they're interesting. one episode, "the killer inside me," is about a woman who dated a serial killer when they were teens, wrote a book about it, attracted the attention of the gainesville killer, and then they fell in love. when the judge asked him if he had anything to say during his trial, he started singing to her and she stood there beaming. she's totally fucked up. she wrote a song and made a video that's included in the errol morris show; she performs it in white face makeup with tiger stripes and it's about death row. or something. if you're into the bizarre, serial killer groupies is a good excursion.

these people (russian?) are my nominees for creepiest pet owners with a website. for starters, that's a goddamn puma, and secondly, the bathtub scene is porny, and thirdly, that poor chicken . . .


these british designers want to help properly clothe you and find the most flattering fit - even if you are shaped like a brick or have a "hateful" (hahah) figure like "the bell." i am having a hard time deciding which shape best describes me and which shape (if any) i would prefer. one thing's for sure: gray tank tops with gray workout capris is no one's good look.

and one last thing from jmk: the ending of seven, filmed with stuffed animals.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

where troubles melt like lemondrops, away above the chimney tops

just wanted to give a shout-out to recent additions to the in rainbows cover art made by fans.

check out the link here.

i quite enjoy this project and hope that this becomes a trend.

on a similar rainbow note, i love the cover of the new cat power album.

"and i'm not sorry/it's human nature" - madge

packing blowz.

just wanted to take some time out of putting random items like a unicorn cake pan and a cd book of burned discs into the same box. i spent some time this week updating my address, being all proactive so i don't miss mail and such, very adult of me. it's amazing how many fucking people you have to tell - not just the post office but the dmv, your bank, all of your credit cards, your insurance company, your 401k people, the student loan people, the gas company, the electric company, the cell phone company, ticketbastard, and all of the magazines you subscribe to. i canceled my renters insurance. i closed a credit card that i hadn't used in a while. people only give a shit about your new address when you owe them money.

anyway, i read this in radar and wanted to share . . .

From anthropologist Donald Brown's list of more than 300 behaviors and social characteristics that are universal across all human cultures:
thumb sucking
language employed to manipulate others
preference for copulation conducted in private
disapproval of stinginess
husbands older than wives
oedipus complex
belief in religion/the supernatural
socialization that includes toilet training
licking wounds
male domination of the political realm
baby talk.

you can read the whole interesting list here. i am pleased to learn that there are not (have never been?) cultures in which it is totally fine to just shit yourself and carry on with your day.

Friday, October 12, 2007

obligatory IN RAINBOWS post - i am a blogger who likes music, after all.

when i told summer to go away, i meant to retreat slowly, not ditch me hardcore. it dropped like 30 degrees overnight and now i am all chilly and unprepared. i love bitching about the weather, by the way.

going to see spoon tonight, and i got tickets this morning to see tori amos in early november at the vic (which is general-admission and only fits about 1,000 people, including balcony). i saw her twice in high school: once in july of 1994 at the barrymore in madison that was great, and then a shitty one in october of the same year at the madison civic center. the show was cut real short, as she stopped playing about a half-hour after coming on stage, clutching her chest and walking off, and some dude came out and apologized and said that she wasn't feeling well and that we'd "have to do it again some other time," but there were never any refunds or rescheduled dates with these tickets honored. when we left, confused and disappointed, we (i went with a friend whose name was, seriously, aura) saw her loaded into an ambulance out back. this was very pre-internet, so we never found out what that was all about - i think i read somewhere that her management team cited food poisoning, but someone told me she did too much coke.
tori's best albums (boys for pele and from the choirgirl hotel) came out when i was in college, and i still listen to them, but i stopped caring for a long time. i'm pretty sure i went and saw her in college because i have a "raspberry swirl girl" necklace (which i obviously don't wear anymore), but i've blanked out on when and whre that was. i got the new album this summer and while i haven't bothered to look into her five personalities (i guess they all blog or something) and feed into the tori fanaticism, the album is okay and it ought to be a cool show.

wow, nice tangent. i guess i still am a superfan! or just pissed that my teenage high schooler self paid a lot of money to see a musician she loved and was treated to a shitty show and no refund. and never got any good gossip about what happened, which probably bothers me most of all.
on to the linx:

yay! michael k (my favorite blogger) interviewed in gridskipper here about why new york rulz.

the wapo reviews the new radiohead - they like it fine, but have a lot more to say about how it's being distributed (free, or pay what you want, or be a superfan and spend $80 for a deluxe cd/vinyl/book extravaganza). pjl ordered the boxset and burned me a copy of the 10 tracks and while i will always favor bends and ok computer era (and i do really like kid a and amnesiac, though it took me a few listens to get into them), hail to the thief and thom's solo album were dense and boring, and i was worried that this would continue the trend. it's not amazing, but i like it. you can buy/not buy it here.

this is a great project - people submitted what they thought the cover art for in rainbows should be and some of them are total radness.

two mysterious deaths (one a drag queen, one a twink drifter) in four days at a disabled gay man's apartment who wanted company and probably paid for theirs - sounds like a bad episode of law and order. click here.

i think that real dolls are gonna be all the rage (as a topic, at least) when lars and the real girl comes out, and as more and more articles and documentaries come out. i'm fascinated/totally creeped out by them. they now have a MALE real doll, for the lonely gay men and straight ladies out there who are too awkward to even be able to convince a real person to sex them up (or maybe they just prefer the latex silent version). why did they have to make the male "real doll" look like such a fratastic douche? also, i think he is named after charlie sheen, who, i learned this week, hacked up his real doll and threw it in a dumpster - pure class, and the picture of sanity, that one. click here for a very nsfw (BUT ITS NOT EVEN REAL, BOSS!) view of rubber charlie.

oh, and and for your average lonely social reject into japanese animation, or "anime," as the kidz call it, there is - anna mae! get it? the huge eyes and tits scares me. there is nothing "real" about that one. the whole thing is too creepy. which is worse, gross exaggerations of the female body or eerily realistic ones? shudder, either way.

cuteness overload: tiny baby animals on fingers just a click away.

slate has a new, interesting slide show: the history of the vibrator! here's a sample: "Vibrators came back into the mainstream in the 1990s, thanks not to radical feminists but to the Reagan administration. With the public health threat of AIDS looming, Surgeon General C. Everett Koop mailed out a list of safe-sex options to every household in the land in the late 1980s. Vibrators were on it." it's, uh, nsfw.

new horrible tattoo, courtesy of death from above - click here.

we almost lost a musical genius last week. and no, it wasn't mandy moore (my OTHER equally embarrassing guilty pleasure).

okay. have a good weekend.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

i'm done with summer. please end now.

so the chicago marathon was this weekend and it was basically a death match clusterfuck (even the ny times wrote about it here). firstly, i don't understand why the fuck it's in the 80s in OCTOBER. global warming clearly exists. secondly, the marathon was totally poorly managed and fucked up. tc and sb ran it - here is part of an email she sent the next day:

Despite the statements the race director has made in the news, I can assure you that there was not enough water/gatorade along the course. Most of the official race aid stations I approached either didn't have gatorade or didn't have anything at all. The runners around me and I resorted to running off the course to find water fountains, drinking out of the nasty ass reflecting pools/fountains in front of residential high rises and running into convenience stores to buy liquids.

gross. also, she didn't even get to finish - they called it off when she was on mile 16. what a pisser.

postsecret brings people together, sometimes in creepy ways that i wont be participating in, but hey, that's cool for you if it makes you happy; i'm glad that SOMETHING does. sometimes i wanna slash my throat after reading the latest collection.

reality tv is unethical and lame: When the sister of a woman who appeared on ABC's "Extreme Makeover" committed suicide in 2004, the contestant sued the network for wrongful death and other charges. The contestant, who was competing to win free plastic surgery but lost, claimed that her sister had felt so guilty about mocking her appearance on the program that she killed herself. ABC settled the case for an undisclosed amount last year.

what's not to like? - bunnies, playdoh, and my favorite stones song. watch here.

super funny post from death from above here.

i'm not sure if there will ever be peace in the middle east, but at least the oasis vs blur feud is officially over.

is bob barker as big of a bastard as everyone says? he's like everyone's favorite rich uncle, who gives you crates of dish soap and avocado-hued dishwashers for your birthday, and you know that he's a dirty old man with wandering hands, but he cares so much about neutering, so you forgive him for it. well, another employee is suing and describes it as "an atmosphere of terror on the show." come to think of it, bob does look like the undead, so . . .

the best iphone review published this fall via mcsweeney's. thanks to ea for the link.

i looooooove it when local news anchors fuck up. i spent a lot of time watching various links online - some fellow nerds have even compiled lengthy best-ofs. this one is short and super funny, i'm gonna assume that this guy was demoted to covering church carnivals. people sent me some after i shared the ones above - zp sent me this weather man (screamy freakout) and this slip-up, which is the only proof that someone at fox news has insight (they predicted that it would be on youtube). tb sent me this excruciating sports reporter's horrible report - the four minutes feels more like 20.

so, yeah, back to packing up my apartment. i need more boxes.

Friday, October 05, 2007

parking lot art

this is one of my favorite works of art in chicago: a huge blown-up photograph printed onto a tarp hanging on the side of a columbia college building in the south loop. i get to see it from the orange line when i ride north in the mornings. i took a photo of it lollapalooza weekend when we walked past the lot.

click to enlarge - the small size on the blog doesn't do it justice.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

new barfroom!

the bathroom has been redone, just in time for pos' sister to come visit (she lives in ireland with her husband and three kids, and she and the youngest are arriving tomorrow) and for me to move in (october 20 and i need to start packing). behold the difference that new tile, a new window, etc can make.

no more tub floor appliques! no more mysterious hole patched up with plastic and duct tape! i love new construction smell.

and i love pos. he's so cute and sweet and he set his phone so that it plays matthew sweet's "girlfriend" when i call him.


excellent before and afters. we had to return the curved shower curtain because it stuck out too far.

i had the kooky "three's company" theme song in my head for the first three days i was in town.

i hear that san diego is a really nice city. i wouldn't know - i pretty much worked the entire time i was there, attending meetings and receptions and dinners and even a work-related 5k. the best times i had were: going to star club with jmk, which purports itself to be one of the top-20 dives in the country (it was gross and very well-lit, not a good combo, but fun and cheap); going to some really swank mod bar in the barrio with some clients and not being able to get a cab to come out and pick us up for well over an hour; going out for mexican and beers with coworkers, which included jmk and five girls, and a table of cute brits sent him a beer to cheers him and tell him that they don't know how he does it, but he's the man. it was cute - we were even sitting around the table in a way that made jmk the center of attention, like we were his harem.

i watched vh1 while getting ready in the morning and that is apprently the only time of day when they play videos, and i saw all sorts of lame shit but i also caught the new silverchair song, "straight lines," and i swear to god that i cannot get it out of my head. i don't even know if it's any good - it has hooked itself into my brain and will not let go. download here and be warned that it might follow you around, too. alls i know about silverchair is that they were famous at like 15, the lead singer was manorexic, and he married natalie "torn" imbruglia. and i have never liked them. until this song.

stereogum released a ten-year anny collection of ok computer covers (that was 10 years ago? wow), and has now done the same with REM's automatic for the people (at the 15 year mark, which makes me feel even more old now). i was so excited for this album to come out - i got really into REM when i was 14 - all of my birthday presents that year from my friends were the back-catalogue cds and they all came in longboxes (remember those?). i had my dad go to musicland (the same one that i would later toil in for a quarter over minimum wage) on the day that automatic came out because i had to babysit, and we all know how very important it is to get an album the day it comes out. i fucking worshipped michael stipe - i thought he was hott and sensitive and brilliant and i stopped eating meat and it was like the best moment of my life when i found out that my mom had to go to athens, ga, for work, and that she was going to bring me along. anyway, go enjoy the covers. not as good as the originals, of course.

stole this from goldenfiddle - it is "what happens when you take a good idea and a retarded idea and mash them together" - lolsecretz!

also from goldenfiddle - a page featuring all of the directorial and commercial work of david "seven, zodiac, fight club" fincher. i can't watch these at work cuz i am blocked from downloading quicktime (as well as itunes, which is why i suffer constantly. i am forced to use the shitastic windows media player and i hates it).

i rarely trust companies' assertions that they give back to the community (walmart can suck it), or that they want to protect their consumers (like, this page on the rj reynolds website is clearly only there to cover their asses), and it doesn't impress me that you can now get apple slices at mcdonalds when the menu looks like this, but this dove commercial is really good, and i heard the ex ceo of mcdonald's speak in san diego, and he made me want to build a ronald mcdonald house for sick kids and their families with my own money.

radar interviews siouxsie sioux. she has very interesting plans for michael vick if he ever runs into her. she wrote one of my personal anthems (though it is, like "christine sixteen," spelled wrong) - "christine, the strawberry girl."

and now: a stuffed uterus. but safe for work. really.

for people who hate to work, and want to fly low-tech computer animated helicopters, click here.

not sure how this will be, but am curious to hear the reviews: new strange film where they splice interview audio with kurt cobain so that he narrates a documentary about his life. trailer found here.