Wednesday, October 24, 2007

new alarm clock works shockingly well.

i am moved. i have a new home. the dudes from USA movers came to my apartment at 8:30 on saturday morning and they left pos' house before 11. js thinks that they're on meth, they bust ass so quickly, but they are seriously the best (and cheapest) movers in chicago. i took the last two days off from work to unpack and do laundry and go to target (we seriously spent over $400 there. other than my new alarm clock and a $30 shower curtain, nothing else cost over $20. WTF?!?!?!?!?) and to cook dinner together (i hope this little tradition lasts).

i just looked up my new alarm clock on the target website and FUCK. almost all of the reviews are lousy . . . mostly because it fucking shocks its owners. maybe . . . since those reviews are over a year old, they've fixed the problem . . . sigh. so now its sole purpose is to get me out of bed AND it scares me? least favorite item in house now. (this is why i should read product reviews BEFORE i purchase something).

i "hate" it when people use "extra" punctuation, which actually "changes" what they mean, including apostrophes ( like "get your nail's done") and "quotation" "marks." jmk sent me the link to the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks, and they have a great list of "other snarks" as links, such as crummy church signs and literally, a weblog. i hate that too. i know a couple and i really like them but it literally drives me insane to listen to them tell a story, as they literally say the word literally in literally every sentence. for reals. lits.

remember all the hubub about the chicago marathon? the onion did the best job reporting on what really went down. that shit makes me laugh and laugh. i fucking love the onion.

jmk sends me stuff all day at work (he sent me the above onion article). i finally convinced one of the less-retarded IT guys to download itunes onto my computer for me (it got lost when i had to get a new harddrive and i have suffered with the horribly-1998 windows media player) so now i can listen to jmk's music, as well as get my goatlord fix. anyway, he sent me this and he claims that it scares him. freud would have a lot to say about it (and he'd probably agree).

the rumors are true: james blunt really will fuck anything that moves. here he is pining away for a triangle on sesame street. he has a creepy weasle face. i like it when tully gets down. and i guess anderson cooper will be on soon, too. i used to have a little crush on him. it's the hair, okay?

the "preppy murderer" (TOTAL PRICK - read his sick story on wikipedia) got busted for selling coke, along with his girlfriend, who fell in love with him when he was on trial for murdering a girl in central park whom he had just picked up in a bar (his defense: it was rough sex that got out of hand). this reminds me - while i was unpacking i had e! on for background noise, and they had this "investigative reporting" (exploitation journalism) show on crime groupies - women who go after serial killers and convicted felons. they did a segment on danielle steele, who knows a thing or two about loving crazies, addicts and cons (sooo romantic). also, this reminds me of the errol morris first person dvd that pos and i watched - he interviews a bunch of randoms simply because they're interesting. one episode, "the killer inside me," is about a woman who dated a serial killer when they were teens, wrote a book about it, attracted the attention of the gainesville killer, and then they fell in love. when the judge asked him if he had anything to say during his trial, he started singing to her and she stood there beaming. she's totally fucked up. she wrote a song and made a video that's included in the errol morris show; she performs it in white face makeup with tiger stripes and it's about death row. or something. if you're into the bizarre, serial killer groupies is a good excursion.

these people (russian?) are my nominees for creepiest pet owners with a website. for starters, that's a goddamn puma, and secondly, the bathtub scene is porny, and thirdly, that poor chicken . . .


these british designers want to help properly clothe you and find the most flattering fit - even if you are shaped like a brick or have a "hateful" (hahah) figure like "the bell." i am having a hard time deciding which shape best describes me and which shape (if any) i would prefer. one thing's for sure: gray tank tops with gray workout capris is no one's good look.

and one last thing from jmk: the ending of seven, filmed with stuffed animals.

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