Wednesday, November 28, 2007

"bobbing like some pigeons lookin for a crumb"

i haven't posted because i don't have internet at home (we really need to get on that) and cuz work is supa bizzy.

wow, i just annoyed myself with my mizzpellins.

bettah lame than never.

nostalgia: when i was in dc i hung out at toledo lounge (second in my heart, back in the day, only to the pharmacy bar - read about both here) and got to be friendly with a server named chris. he even took me to popeye's for lunch once (long story). his band the nighties would play small venues in town - like velvet lounge, and i saw them sweating their asses off on the little stage at the back of dccd when it was still open - and i thought they were rad. kate from the glorious hum posted about john bustine and i remembered that chris had played with him as john bustine and the woolfs, and so i went a-googling and found these nighties mp3s on the wapo's site (i love you, wapo, i really, really do). i moved to chicago and chris moved to new york and i hope he still plays music, cuz he's a cool guy and i liked his band. i used to listen to "the mouse" cranked up in my little office at corps network and sing along - "when the cat catches the mouse he says whoo-ooh-ohh-ooooo."

i did this and you might want to, too - send yourself (or someone else) an email to be delivered whenever you want - like, ten years from now. dear future me, did you ever allow pos to cut the little pebble embedded into your palm out with his pocket knife? cuz he really wants to.

beth ditto is the current bust cover girl, and here is an interview with spin. i like her. she really doesn't give a shit about what people think.

here's an article about marc jacobs, patron saint of handbags that i adore and covet, and martyr of the fashion industry. now that he's older and hotter and has a sketchy young bf, people be hatin on him. don't you fuss, marc, and could you maybe do a kelly green leather handled zippered bag with silver hardware? thanxxx.

ea sent this to me - a 20-year-old wisconsin woman wins Best Mommy 07. she sounds really smart and responsible. i recently read something that made me smile - someone was discussing the notion that parents want to be kool and liked, and the person said "why would your kid want a 40-year-old friend?"

update on fb's professor who brutally beat his wife to death with a chin-up bar while she wrapped christmas presents: he now admits that he did it. surprise. what a shitty xmas.

SIGH. another fucking terrible tattoo found here. why? WHY?!?!?!?

rm sent me the above link, as well as this one, to the best marketing and branding scheme i have laid eyes on. the jacket's lining is THAT soft.

and, finally, big personal-life news: tb and js got engaged! my big brother is gettin hitched. they're planning a may wedding in chicago. i'm very happy for both of them.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


i'm not gonna change the template to the blog (i used to use the white background/light circles design that blogger offers and when i changed it to what it is now, all of my photos in old posts got jacked up - check this out for an example) so when i get bored i switch out the links. i added a bunch and took out some. the ones i removed are either because they are never updated or because i don't ever visit them anymore.

let me know if there are any that you miss or if you have recommendations for new links. i try to stick to blogs only, or corporate websites (mcsweeney's, the av club) that try to keep it bloggy-style.

here is a memorial service for the links i removed. i feel badly that i am removing my own brother's blog, but whatevs, he hasn't updated it in a year.

the syracusan

pressure release

plant camp

not fooling anybody

that's my girl, asshole


free indie mp3s

mocking music

the test pilot

the underrated blog

what would jesus blog?

Monday, November 12, 2007

the post in which i finally get around to telling you why my blog is named as such

my friends and i all try to make each other's 30th birthdays special. i got a giant vagina cake; ecf got a surprise recreation of his bar mitzvah (1990 fashion and music, plus his mom located the unused napkins that she had saved, as well as the comic book decor that ecf himself had designed). it would have been jenny chang's 30th this weekend; a bunch of her girlyfriends from childhood, college, and dc all converged in chicago for shopping, millennium park, the art institute, the hancock building, dinner and drinks on saturday. jl stayed with me; i didn't even know her (or sp) when i lived in dc; i met them at jenny's bachelorette party and then saw them again at jenny's wedding. we went for drinks when i was in dc this spring; jl and i laughed that this weekend was seriously the fourth time we've ever hung out, and she feels like the kind of friend that i have had and have relied on for years and years. i am so thankful that we were able to honor jenny's memory this weekend, and that she brought so many people together, because she had an excellent taste in friends. happy 30th, jenny! i miss you.

jl took that photo out of the window on the 96th floor of the hancock building saturday evening.

anyways - here's the snips n clips i have collected. you know, i always meant to explain why i call this blog scissors happy. firstly, i love the word scissors, and i love the actual physical design of a pair of scissors. i even found a great necklace at the renegade craft fair of a tiny little pair of silver scissors that probably makes me look semi-mental at work, but whatevs, it's cute. but that's not really why. i have always been "scissors happy," meaning i always cut tons of shit out of magazines and newspapers, and tear stuff out of, like, pamphlets and newsletters and other reading materials. i made two (totally embarrassing now) zines in high school and wanted to be a journalist (music and culture, not of new york times quality - more like details or sassy or spin), and i have always been a big magazine person. i have binders full of articles, art, band interviews, clippings, postcards, and stupid shit that i have saved over the years because i like reading them and because they are evidence of what has influenced me and are reminders for things that i should learn more about. so the advent of the internet was sort of a dream come true for me, because i don't have to keep making those heavy-ass binders stuffed with old pages and papers (well . . . i still do, but it's way less now than it used to be), and i can share all of this somewhat useless but totally entertaining and interesting shit with everyone. i'm like the grandma who can't wait to give you a stack of yellowing newspaper articles she cut out of the paper for you. annoying but endearing.

mildly amusing radar experiment: wear super-obnoxious/offensive t-shirts in public and see what people say. i'm thinking that reactions in new york vary greatly from those that would be gathered in, say, dubuque, iowa.

this article basically reads like an onion article, including quotes from the american ferret association. hey, how fucking excited was the AFA's pr person to acutally be called about something other than the only questions i can fathom that one would ask them, such as "why are ferrets so gross?"

so i posted the random cbs station's openly gay celebrity slideshows, and found a link to this article ($1,000 bagel) on the same website. i think i love you, random cbs station's website. this slideshow is entertaining - especially when all they have to say about braveheart's blooper is, simply, "mel gibson" (slide 19). so is "what a way to go" (very classy name - it's a collection of strange deaths. that's seriously how tennessee williams died?) and a good dead pool tool, the 2007 celebrity death slideshow. wow, - you're kinda tacky and totally distracting. i wanna work for you.

IAFYAF has a link to a slideshow that demonstrates that winona ryder is, basically, a music slut (not this kind - this kind), and made a mix tape for you to download, too.

the asshat pants man gets fired - read about it here.

stole this off of mj's blog - rawhawhawhawhw.

when was the last time you read a positive article about a catholic priest? i am (lapsed) catholic and all of my leaders are embarrassing me. this one stalks conan o'brien - his letters (a few excerpts in article) are retarded. he signs them "padre" and writes them on parish stationary.

and, finally, while this isn't like my ultimate nightmare, my mom doesn't know about the blog (and dad doesn't know how to turn on mom's computer), and i totes related to the (funny) anguish of this onion article.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

"basically, i wish that you loved me / i wish that you needed me / i wish that you knew when i said two sugars, i meant three"

saw tori amos last night. i was really surprised that there were so many dudes there - the crowd was half men, half women, i would guess. there were also a fair number of superfans, as well as severely annoying "if i just shove my way to the front, i win" bitches and a few people standing very obviously by themselves. tears for them. tori has become more of a performance artist than your typical singer-songwriter-with-a-piano. for starters, she is a tiny little thing, all lean and angular and kinda cyborgy, and she attacks her piano in more of a squatting lunge than actually sitting on a bench. and she does this in heels, for hours a day. no wonder she looked so muscular. she performed using two of her "personalities" or whatever she's doing with her american girl posse phase - she came out in a black wig and very high-fashion sequined tank dress with metallic leggings and heels, and she was aggressive and sexual, humping the floor, touching herself, and being snarly in general. she opened with "cruel" (all of her old songs were redone in ways that made them more rock, for the most part) and when that was done pos turned to me and said "HBIC." it was funny, and true. halfway through the show she changed outfits and personas, wearing a retarded metallic leopard-print jumpsuit romper and a red wig, and she finally said hi to the crowd and was more chipper in general. it was a good show - two hours, lots of old reworked songs and some of the better songs off of the new album. it was a bit too overdramatic for me when she did "me and a gun" (a sad song about being raped from her first album that is usually a capella); she sort of made it into an angry stomper while fondling a butcher knife and then grabbing a prop gun and pointing it at the audience. sometimes a little restraint helps make the point.

a lot of the songs sounded the same - that was pos' one complaint, and i agreed. maybe that's why a girl over in the next section vomited and retched really loudly during the usually very pretty old tori standard "winter."

okay, so on to something that most people will actually care about . . .

nr sent me what she refers to as her new favorite blog (traitor): it's a collection of photos from abandoned chi-chis. random. divine.

i neglected to tell people that it's nsfw when i sent out this collection of paintings on nude bodies that kk had sent me. i was still too speechless to properly address the semi-porniness of it - they're really creepy. so consider yourself warned.

i hope that this guy is joking in the way that i hope that ann coulter is an elaborate performance artist - watch video here.

do yourself a favor and download all of the kate nash songs that you can find. she's like a non-annoying lily allen - young british girl with a guitar singing about souring relationships and unrequited love. i adore the songs "the nicest thing," "merry happy," and "foundations." itunes doesn't have her complete album (made of bricks) so go to hype machine and see what you can find.

Friday, November 02, 2007

how the fuck is it only 4 pm? i've been sitting at this desk for at least 27 hours.

tomorrow's onion rip-off-a-page-every-day desk calendar headline: "special olympics investigated for performance-enhancing hugs."

here is a great and funny article about how the clothes make the man that i read in the week (best news magazine evah) and was reminded of it cuz mj posted it. it's by that ex-orthodox jewish guy who wrote the new memoir foreskin's lament that sounds super funny and good.

horses may only be disabled unicorns (no horn, lack of magic) but this was one of the weirdest/funniest televised sporting events of all time.

you know how you'll sometimes sing along with a song that you dont know the lyrics for, so you just sort of fill in the spaces with gibberish in the right tone? meet amy winehouse, who has to do that to songs that she actually wrote.

you can go to this website to enter your political concerns and it tells you what presidential candidates most match your ideals. apparently former senator mike gravel (D-AK) shares a 90% similarity with my beliefs. interesting - considering i know nothing about this dude. best of luck, man - i am 90 percent behind you. although, isn't he kinda . . . too elderly? i mean, he's six years older than mccain, and bitch is OLD.

ea forwarded this post that features pages from a 1977 jc penney catalogue, and it's pure comic gold (and avocado, and burnt orange). i had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN about my dad's late-70s swim trunks that came with a matching button-down shirt until i saw a similar ensemble here.

nick hornby has a new book coming out. even though it's "teen lit" i'll still read it. good interview here.

very random: there is something really lame about some cbs channel's website putting together two slideshows of openly gay celebrities (it has a freak-show, looking-at-animals-at-the-zoo element to it) but then again, this wouldn't have been half as populated with confirmed gay people 10 years ago, so at least it shows progress. all i know is that i am surprised to learn that lesley gore is gay. lezlie gore.

there were some people missing from that slideshow, including at least one of these guys, but maybe they just kept the emphasis on "celebrities" and not "sad, delusional hanger-ons."

speaking of delusions, saw lars and the real girl this week (i am kinda obsessed with real doll owners) and it was pretty good - the story line involving all of the townsfolk being really understanding and pretending that his sex doll was a real girl was totally not believable, but ryan gosling was great and i just found his delusion that she was real to be really sad. i don't know if many real doll owners believe that their doll speaks to them and is a real person, but my favorite, davecat, loves fucking his. and being non-sexually intimate as well, of course. here he is in an excerpt from the hour-long bbc documentary (it's a must-see) and - ta da! - i found his blog.

and, finally - elderly prostitutes.