Monday, November 12, 2007

the post in which i finally get around to telling you why my blog is named as such

my friends and i all try to make each other's 30th birthdays special. i got a giant vagina cake; ecf got a surprise recreation of his bar mitzvah (1990 fashion and music, plus his mom located the unused napkins that she had saved, as well as the comic book decor that ecf himself had designed). it would have been jenny chang's 30th this weekend; a bunch of her girlyfriends from childhood, college, and dc all converged in chicago for shopping, millennium park, the art institute, the hancock building, dinner and drinks on saturday. jl stayed with me; i didn't even know her (or sp) when i lived in dc; i met them at jenny's bachelorette party and then saw them again at jenny's wedding. we went for drinks when i was in dc this spring; jl and i laughed that this weekend was seriously the fourth time we've ever hung out, and she feels like the kind of friend that i have had and have relied on for years and years. i am so thankful that we were able to honor jenny's memory this weekend, and that she brought so many people together, because she had an excellent taste in friends. happy 30th, jenny! i miss you.

jl took that photo out of the window on the 96th floor of the hancock building saturday evening.

anyways - here's the snips n clips i have collected. you know, i always meant to explain why i call this blog scissors happy. firstly, i love the word scissors, and i love the actual physical design of a pair of scissors. i even found a great necklace at the renegade craft fair of a tiny little pair of silver scissors that probably makes me look semi-mental at work, but whatevs, it's cute. but that's not really why. i have always been "scissors happy," meaning i always cut tons of shit out of magazines and newspapers, and tear stuff out of, like, pamphlets and newsletters and other reading materials. i made two (totally embarrassing now) zines in high school and wanted to be a journalist (music and culture, not of new york times quality - more like details or sassy or spin), and i have always been a big magazine person. i have binders full of articles, art, band interviews, clippings, postcards, and stupid shit that i have saved over the years because i like reading them and because they are evidence of what has influenced me and are reminders for things that i should learn more about. so the advent of the internet was sort of a dream come true for me, because i don't have to keep making those heavy-ass binders stuffed with old pages and papers (well . . . i still do, but it's way less now than it used to be), and i can share all of this somewhat useless but totally entertaining and interesting shit with everyone. i'm like the grandma who can't wait to give you a stack of yellowing newspaper articles she cut out of the paper for you. annoying but endearing.

mildly amusing radar experiment: wear super-obnoxious/offensive t-shirts in public and see what people say. i'm thinking that reactions in new york vary greatly from those that would be gathered in, say, dubuque, iowa.

this article basically reads like an onion article, including quotes from the american ferret association. hey, how fucking excited was the AFA's pr person to acutally be called about something other than the only questions i can fathom that one would ask them, such as "why are ferrets so gross?"

so i posted the random cbs station's openly gay celebrity slideshows, and found a link to this article ($1,000 bagel) on the same website. i think i love you, random cbs station's website. this slideshow is entertaining - especially when all they have to say about braveheart's blooper is, simply, "mel gibson" (slide 19). so is "what a way to go" (very classy name - it's a collection of strange deaths. that's seriously how tennessee williams died?) and a good dead pool tool, the 2007 celebrity death slideshow. wow, wcbstv.com - you're kinda tacky and totally distracting. i wanna work for you.

IAFYAF has a link to a slideshow that demonstrates that winona ryder is, basically, a music slut (not this kind - this kind), and made a mix tape for you to download, too.

the asshat pants man gets fired - read about it here.

stole this off of mj's blog - rawhawhawhawhw.

when was the last time you read a positive article about a catholic priest? i am (lapsed) catholic and all of my leaders are embarrassing me. this one stalks conan o'brien - his letters (a few excerpts in article) are retarded. he signs them "padre" and writes them on parish stationary.

and, finally, while this isn't like my ultimate nightmare, my mom doesn't know about the blog (and dad doesn't know how to turn on mom's computer), and i totes related to the (funny) anguish of this onion article.

3 comments:

mykljak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mykljak said...

We used to have a dog walker who was quick with the shears -- but I can't describe her as scissors happy, because Margie was one of the most miserable people I've ever known.

I always likened her mind to a walnut: tiny, twisted, and all but impenetrable. Provincial and reactionary, she was upset just about every day by something she'd seen the previous night on The O'Reilly Factor. She was such a buzz-kill, I'd often pretend to be on the phone when she came by.

What made me think of her was that she maintained an extensive file of clippings from aviation disasters. Why? Who knows. Maybe it made her feel better about her own wretched life, which involved sharing a small condo with her middle-aged son and far too many pets. Just remembering that makes me want to turn on the gas.

You had Carol; I had Margie.

the syracusan said...

That's the website for the New York City CBS affiliate, dingle. No wonder they're more entertaining than most. ;)