Wednesday, July 23, 2008

hi.


yeah, i was gone for a while. i mean, not really, just from this.

from best week ever: a collection of the 50 punniest business names. i dig the bike shop called "cycloanalists" and "a salt and battery" fish and chips place.

jerk-off material for democrats: it's obamaporn (sfw).

finally, they're all in one place: the best (worst) local newscasters moments are here.

jk sent me this list (with videos) of 15 celebrities who put out albums (and shouldn't have). sometimes i think back to shit i did or said when i was like 15 and i cringe, so i can only imagine what haunts joey lawrence when he can't sleep. also: corky had a band (#9).

jk also sent this website, which is the self-proclaimed best page in the universe, and i appreciate the rants. a good one is "fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion."

this taxidermy museum (in the basement of a funeral parlor) is fo-sho on the must-do list for the next time i am in wisco and have time to drive the 45 mins up to madison. pos and i actually made a (free, low-tech) website for our wedding so that people can know where they're going and all that, and i didn't bother with the "area attractions" page because, really, this is it: a fucking fiberglass cow statue. cool, right?

if this video of what comes out of your cell phone when it is microwaved for one minute (satan himself, so it appears) is for real, i'm real scared.

cl sent me this factual and funny blog: things younger than mccain. which would include the six pack, frozen waffles, zip codes, duct tape . . .

i love awesome-mugshot roundups, and i love the commentary about these particularly alarming-looking (alleged) criminals.

wow, i really haven't posted in a long time. before the bill o'reilly "do it live" clip was in my life. and oh, is it. pos, for a few weeks, could not stop imitating the freak-out (which he does quite well). i am worried that when the priest asks him if he takes me to be his (l)awfully wedded wife, he will say "i do. I DO IT LIVE." excellent electroclash dance track "tribute to an american hero" video found here (from death from below). nsfw (hitler youth, animal kingdom sex and bill on repeat saying "fuck it fuck it"). tis magical.

okay, i am going to sped out for a second and post a page on the cutest fucking animal i have ever seen. ag, please buy me an "i heart quittens" t-shirt for my birthday (airbrushed, if possible). also, it's in like dutch or something, so i feel cultured and not pathetic to be pointing out a page of kitten photos.

this seriously made me laugh: darth vader plays the blues.

ag's gots a poem published in vol 7 of stickman review: read here. and ds got some of his poems published in ditch: read here.

since i'm no longer in my 20s, and since i have lived with pos, i have tried to cook more, try new recipes and ingredients, not be afraid of mistakes, practice how to chop and boil and broil and bake. i need look no further for inspiration. behold: the black metal cooking blog. calling your recipe "frostbitten molasses cookies entombed with ginger" is just genius.

remind me to call the caterer to make sure that there will be flaming cocktails, because i want to light my wedding dress on fire (it's not like i'll ever be wearing it again). also, i want the scorpions to be playing during the reception. also, i hope a dude in jeans and a tshirt whips it off so he can beat me, flames engulfing the many layers of fabric. best reception evah!

a thing of beauty: a tattoo of patrick swayze as a centaur.

cracked did a photoshop contest to reveal the truth about tattoos and most of them are pretty good.

mj just sent me this today: it's one of those tattoo slideshows, but this one is different. like, really low-rent and sad. it's a baltimore news station's contest for . . . well, i guess the best one. be sure to read the captions. the irish springer spaniel made me laugh. as did the wolf with the rose in its teeth. that pretty much sums up bad tattoos right there.

if you have a few minutes (seven, actually), watch this segment from THIS AMERICAN LIFE about the wiener circle, a popular late-night hotdog stand in chicago (whatever you do, leave cheese off of your fries and burger. their cheese is more like orange wallpaper glue). it is (in)famous for the fact that white drunk yuppies queue up to be screamed at by the black counter people, and insults and barbs ensue. i have never gone there for food at night because i don't want to get involved in that kind of scene, but i used to live nearby and would walk past it on my way home from the bar and heard some eyebrow-raising shit being screamed. the comments on this page about the video are interesting.

this is pretty much the best thing i have ever read on the internet: the travel diary of a maasai tribesman who went to london to run the marathon. best part: "I miss meat and blood very much. Not vegetables because they are food for a woman. There is milk here but blood is better because it gives energy. English tea with sugar is good and we tried Coco Pops, but the nicest food is croissants."

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