Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Friday, July 25, 2008

not really a review

saw the batman movie (btw, i don't know anyone who refers to it as the dark knight - everyone just refers to it as batman) at the imax theater on wednesday. i like the imax theater for the visuals and sound effects, obviously, but also because there is assigned seating (and no seat is a bad one). the show was sold out but there were two very long, open rows in front of us. about three minutes before the lights dimmed, a long line of mentally retarded people filed in, all wearing bright orange chicago park district t-shirts. my immediate reaction was "fuck, man, are they gonna be able to be quiet for two and a half hours?" i felt genuinely bad for assuming that they were incapable of watching a movie, but some of them were pretty disabled. and you know what? they were way quieter and more interested than the douche behind me whose phone rang about halfway through, or the (figurative) tards who talked through the previews. so, yay for the retarded field trippers! i know that when pos and i decide to have a child, it will be retarded for sure. it's called karma, and we deserve it.

i think that this guy wrote an "i'm perplexed at why everyone liked it so much" review of batman just so that other media would pick up on it.

got this little clip from popbitch:

   During the filming of The Dark Knight
Heath Ledger kept a notebook to help him get
in character, detailing all the things that
he felt the Joker would find funny.

The first entry: AIDS.

i liked the movie. it was a little long, but thoroughly enjoyable. heath ledger was the best part (tears). it was also very chicago, and i got to geek out by recognizing streets, buildings, and locations. like, I TOTALLY walk across that bridge EVERY DAY when i go home!!!!

good advice

snapped this photo with my phone outside my office this afternoon.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

"you can be my alphabet and i will be your calculator" - sia

i like this page. WTF?

interesting wedding traditions from around the world that pos and i ought to incorporate into our upcoming nuptials found here. i hope i get tar dumped on me and kidnapped - you know, to make the day special. we've already agreed to not do that retarded "let me delicately feed you a piece of cake and HAHAHAHAH i just smashed it all over your face!!!" ritual that i have seen a few too many times. also not making the list: him going searching for the garter belt up my dress (with his teeth, as i had to watch many an uncle and cousin do at their weddings and have scarred my retinas) and then flinging it at a bunch of single dudes. some traditions are meant to die. btw: my old boss the verns made me a garter belt. it is very pretty and a very inappropriate gift. i am inviting her and her husband to the wedding. i hope she gets shitfaced and dances sexy.

a helpful, handy chart for pos to rate how good i am at the wifely duties (circa 1939) found here. i get demerits for red nail polish (harlot!) but points for letting him sleep in on sundays.

but . . . but . . . i didn't think star wars nerds went outside . . .

pretty cool: someone placed a bunch of album covers together so you can see the real, full picture. tom jones on the inxs skateboard is my favorite. this is in a similar vein but better: show what the famous album cover cut out. there appear to be 31 pages of them.

rad duck hunt lamp (and how to make your own) here.

this website is okay - you upload a photo and then it makes it look like you cut it out of the newspaper in the 70s. here is me and a handsome devil at lollapalooza last year using the special old-timey program. where did the rest of my eyebrows go? lolla is coming up again - next weekend, acutally. got my man jms coming in from brooklyn, excited for radiohead and nin and a buncha other stuff.

a collection of diabolical monsters in spanish. number one is fucking awesome - some sort of fanged muppet with a horn that is supposed to be a scary unicorn but is really just funny. my spanish sucks - is that supposed to be "cat unicorn"?

i like lists, and i like schadenfreude. here is filmthreat's list of the 50 coldest people in hollywood - as in, stalled careers, unliked, etc. great quote: "The easiest way to keep a movie theater empty is by flashing 'Starring Jennifer Lopez' on the screen."

this list of things you should never buy is freaking me out. am i doomed because i use hair conditioner and saran wrap? fuck man, what doesn't kill you?

i'm a huge fan of the fail blog. this one is classic: family planning fail.

whew. twice this week! maybe i am back to blogging. i just needed a little rest is all.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


yeah, i was gone for a while. i mean, not really, just from this.

from best week ever: a collection of the 50 punniest business names. i dig the bike shop called "cycloanalists" and "a salt and battery" fish and chips place.

jerk-off material for democrats: it's obamaporn (sfw).

finally, they're all in one place: the best (worst) local newscasters moments are here.

jk sent me this list (with videos) of 15 celebrities who put out albums (and shouldn't have). sometimes i think back to shit i did or said when i was like 15 and i cringe, so i can only imagine what haunts joey lawrence when he can't sleep. also: corky had a band (#9).

jk also sent this website, which is the self-proclaimed best page in the universe, and i appreciate the rants. a good one is "fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion."

this taxidermy museum (in the basement of a funeral parlor) is fo-sho on the must-do list for the next time i am in wisco and have time to drive the 45 mins up to madison. pos and i actually made a (free, low-tech) website for our wedding so that people can know where they're going and all that, and i didn't bother with the "area attractions" page because, really, this is it: a fucking fiberglass cow statue. cool, right?

if this video of what comes out of your cell phone when it is microwaved for one minute (satan himself, so it appears) is for real, i'm real scared.

cl sent me this factual and funny blog: things younger than mccain. which would include the six pack, frozen waffles, zip codes, duct tape . . .

i love awesome-mugshot roundups, and i love the commentary about these particularly alarming-looking (alleged) criminals.

wow, i really haven't posted in a long time. before the bill o'reilly "do it live" clip was in my life. and oh, is it. pos, for a few weeks, could not stop imitating the freak-out (which he does quite well). i am worried that when the priest asks him if he takes me to be his (l)awfully wedded wife, he will say "i do. I DO IT LIVE." excellent electroclash dance track "tribute to an american hero" video found here (from death from below). nsfw (hitler youth, animal kingdom sex and bill on repeat saying "fuck it fuck it"). tis magical.

okay, i am going to sped out for a second and post a page on the cutest fucking animal i have ever seen. ag, please buy me an "i heart quittens" t-shirt for my birthday (airbrushed, if possible). also, it's in like dutch or something, so i feel cultured and not pathetic to be pointing out a page of kitten photos.

this seriously made me laugh: darth vader plays the blues.

ag's gots a poem published in vol 7 of stickman review: read here. and ds got some of his poems published in ditch: read here.

since i'm no longer in my 20s, and since i have lived with pos, i have tried to cook more, try new recipes and ingredients, not be afraid of mistakes, practice how to chop and boil and broil and bake. i need look no further for inspiration. behold: the black metal cooking blog. calling your recipe "frostbitten molasses cookies entombed with ginger" is just genius.

remind me to call the caterer to make sure that there will be flaming cocktails, because i want to light my wedding dress on fire (it's not like i'll ever be wearing it again). also, i want the scorpions to be playing during the reception. also, i hope a dude in jeans and a tshirt whips it off so he can beat me, flames engulfing the many layers of fabric. best reception evah!

a thing of beauty: a tattoo of patrick swayze as a centaur.

cracked did a photoshop contest to reveal the truth about tattoos and most of them are pretty good.

mj just sent me this today: it's one of those tattoo slideshows, but this one is different. like, really low-rent and sad. it's a baltimore news station's contest for . . . well, i guess the best one. be sure to read the captions. the irish springer spaniel made me laugh. as did the wolf with the rose in its teeth. that pretty much sums up bad tattoos right there.

if you have a few minutes (seven, actually), watch this segment from THIS AMERICAN LIFE about the wiener circle, a popular late-night hotdog stand in chicago (whatever you do, leave cheese off of your fries and burger. their cheese is more like orange wallpaper glue). it is (in)famous for the fact that white drunk yuppies queue up to be screamed at by the black counter people, and insults and barbs ensue. i have never gone there for food at night because i don't want to get involved in that kind of scene, but i used to live nearby and would walk past it on my way home from the bar and heard some eyebrow-raising shit being screamed. the comments on this page about the video are interesting.

this is pretty much the best thing i have ever read on the internet: the travel diary of a maasai tribesman who went to london to run the marathon. best part: "I miss meat and blood very much. Not vegetables because they are food for a woman. There is milk here but blood is better because it gives energy. English tea with sugar is good and we tried Coco Pops, but the nicest food is croissants."